Counselor Spotlight - Megan Young, LCSW

THIS WEEK ON THE BLOG

Rockwall Counseling and Wellness would love for you to meet Megan Young, LCSW! Megan is passionate about helping those processing trauma, and we are so thankful to have her as part of our team. Get to know Megan a little more below!

Tell us a little about your journey to becoming a counselor. Where did you go to school? What are your degrees in? Are you originally from the Rockwall area?

I received my undergrad in Psychology and Crime and Justice Studies in 2005 from UTD with a fascination in human behavior.  I had this idea of being a forensic psychologist.  I started working at Children's Health in inpatient psychiatry in 2012 where I gained a huge amount of clinical experience working with multiple different disciplines and psychiatric concerns. From there, I received my Master's in Social Work in 2018, and was offered a position at the Children's Advocacy Center of Kaufman County where I interned as a clinical therapist.  The experience added to my clinical foundation in trauma counseling, as well as working with an entirely new group of professionals. 

We have only lived in the Rockwall area since 2017, before that we were in McKinney; but I am originally from <gasp> California! I have lived in Texas for 30 years, so surely you won't count that against me (lol, I love Cali though).

What type of therapy are you most passionate about? Why? 

I am most passionate about trauma counseling with children, adolescents, and adults.  Trauma comes in many different forms, which will repeatedly play out in a person's life until they process the trauma in a healthy way. Overcoming trauma is critical to living a healthy, happy life. 

If you could have any job besides the one you have now, what would you want to be doing?  

I feel like I have it made. There are challenging aspects of my job, but I get to sit and talk to people about their lives and experiences all day long.  I guess if I had to do something else, I would run a boat marina on a lake or ocean. 

What do you feel the biggest struggle facing your clients is?  

I think what resonates with all of my clients regardless of age is their struggle with self-worth and seeing the good within themselves. 

Who in your life do you most look up to? Why?  

My dad.  He went through a lot in his life, but always tried to be positive.  He was a police officer for 29 years, and he epitomized unconditional love and acceptance of all people, regardless of their circumstances. 

What is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?  

You deserve to be happy.  

What would you say to someone who is considering starting therapy, but doesn’t know if it’s worth the time or money?  

Therapy can be hard and scary. You are basically being vulnerable to a complete stranger; but growth comes from vulnerability. 

Are you a dog person or a cat person?  

Both.

Do pineapples belong on pizza?  

They are not a requirement, but I do like them on pizza.

What’s your favorite place to go out to eat in Rockwall?  

Standard Service.

What do you like to do in your free time?  

Gardening, boating, taking trips, hanging with friends and family. 

What’s your favorite time of year?  

So, I love the changing of every season; but my favorite time of year is the Christmas season.

Tell us a little about your family.  

I live in the area with my husband, 17 year old daughter,13 year old son, and 2 dogs.  They keep me very busy!

What is your favorite place to visit?  

I have no shame in saying I am a Disney adult, but if Disney is not on the agenda you can find me at the beach or the mountains. 

If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be and why?  

Bargaining is a stage of grief. I would give anything to have one more dinner with my dad. 

Are you more introverted, extroverted, or a mixture of both?  

I am an ambivert: introverted in new situations, but I will open up if I am comfortable with the people.  In recent years, I have definitely become more aware of my need to recharge my social battery.

Complete the Cycle: Learn to Manage Anxiety and Stress

Fight, flight, or freeze . . .

You have likely heard about the instinct to fight, flee, or freeze when you are in danger. It is an  instinctive system that protects us from harm. But did you know that it is possible for your fight or flight system to get stuck? Do you ever experience a feeling of impending doom? You are just waiting for the next bad thing to happen? People tell you to relax and breathe, but your brain just won’t let you? If so, you may be experiencing Sympathetic Nervous System Dominance – in other words, your fight or flight instincts are stuck in the “on” position.

Why is this a problem?

To understand why this is an issue, start by understanding how your brain works. Your fight or flight system is a part of your normal operating system. In times of danger, it warns you to respond to a threat. If the threat seems insurmountable, the natural response is anxiety or fear.   For example, imagine you are out on the plains of Africa, and you see a lion stalking you in the distance. You will likely become anxious.  If it starts running at you, fear is an appropriate response. In this case, your brain will scream, “RUN!” and your body will likely comply.

 If the threat is extreme, and there is no hope of outrunning it, then we may also freeze.  This is the instinct that protects baby animals who can’t outrun their predators. Freezing helps them to escape notice. On the other hand, if the threat is something you instinctively feel you can overcome, the natural emotional response is anger or irritation. In this case, you are more likely to fight. So, if a chihuahua is chasing you  . . .   you get the idea.

When threatened, the brain dumps a chemical cocktail into your system to prepare and fuel your body. Adrenaline causes heart rate to increase and muscles to contract. It can also induce nausea (no time for eating grass when the lion is chasing us!). This is very useful when we need extra energy, focus, and strength to deal with the threat. However, it is not very useful for our logical processing center, which tends to shut down. When we expend physical energy (run away, fight) it uses up the chemicals that were dumped into our system.

If an animal freezes in response to the fight or flight instinct, they will often shake violently once the danger has passed. This shaking also depletes the chemical cocktail. Once the threat is eliminated (we get away from the lion or we defeat it) our brain registers safety and returns to normal operation. Our fight or flight system becomes dormant until we need it again.   

Fantastic, we have an awesome brain for thwarting lions on the plains of Africa! But seriously, when was the last time you were chased by a lion?   

We don’t experience many physical dangers in our modern society, but your brain is still perceiving and responding to threats. The threats just look different now. They come in the form of overdue bills, unreasonable bosses, fights with your loved ones, or pandemics. These are things we can’t fight or flee from no matter how much we want to. Instead, we try coping with alcohol or drugs or maybe disappearing into social media and games.

Unfortunately, these things don’t resolve the threat. It keeps lurking. As unresolved threats pile up, our fight or flight system becomes permanently engaged. We enter into a stage of hypervigilance where our nervous system is constantly bathed in adrenaline and cortisol. The result is an overworked brain that is constantly trying to respond, overthinking, generating endless scenarios. Our nerves are so overstimulated, we feel edgy and unable to relax.

What do we do about it?

Now that we understand how our system is designed to work, we need to take advantage of that natural process. When you feel anxious, fearful, angry, irritable, or resentful, see if you can identify the situation that your brain perceives as threatening. Try the following suggestions to help complete the fight or flight cycle and return to normal.

Disengage the fight or flight response:

·      If you are not physically safe, then seek safety (In this case your instincts are helpful!).

·      If you are physically safe, then remind yourself, “I am safe” (there is no lion).

·      Be accepting of your body’s instinctual response (practice some self-compassion).

·      Remind yourself that you need your logical brain right now.

Address the chemical and physical response:

·      Engage in some physical activity to dissipate the chemical response.

·      Slow your breathing (try an app that teaches mindful breathing).

·      Relax your muscles (contract the muscle for a count of 5, then release).

·      Shake out your limbs to reduce residual tension.

·      Splash some cold water on your face or neck to reduce heated feelings.

Return to mental and emotional safety:

·      Identify the threat (think about what is triggering a defensive response and why).

·      Resolve the threat if possible.

·      Accept what you can’t change and create healthy boundaries when necessary.

Resolving a threat may be as easy as having a conversation to clear the air with a loved one.   However, we find it is often more complicated than that. You may need counsel on debt management or improving relationship skills. Some more pervasive and serious threats arise from past trauma that must be processed before it can be resolved. A good counselor can help you learn to find healthy resolution to the things that are triggering your fight or flight response.   Reach out for help today.

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Written by Dixie Webster, LPC-Assocaite; Supervised by Lauren Coats, LPC-Supervisor

Screen Time and Brain Development: How Social Media Affects Teens

Social media comes with so many draws:  connection to others, entertainment, feeling included in the world around us, but because of their still-developing brains, adolescents and teens are at much higher risk of dealing with the negative side effects of excessive social media use. On May 23, 2023, the Surgeon General’s office released a new advisory regarding the links between extensive social media use and mental health in teenagers. The Department of Health and Human Services issued a summary of the report which you can find here. And while we all probably know, at least to a degree, that social media use can negatively impact our own mental health, the statistics about social media use in teenagers are alarming. 95% of young people report using social media regularly, and 46% say they’re on it “almost constantly.” As parents and role models in the lives of young people, it is important that we understand the consequences of social media use and help the young people in our lives understand this as well. 

TAKEAWAYS FROM THE SURGEON GENERAL’S REPORT

Concerns for brain development. At the ages of 10-19, the human brain is at a crucial time for development. Scientists argue that outside of the first four years of life, this time period is the most important for humans as we learn to make sound choices outside of our parent figures. During this time, our brains are being hardwired for the future, and it is also the time at which mental health problems such as depression and anxiety can first occur. Adolescents are forming their self-image and self-worth for the first time, so you can imagine the negative impact that highly curated, highly filtered images and videos would have on their growing brains. Frequent social media exposure has been shown to negatively impact the areas of the brain that control emotional regulation, impulse control, and regulating social behavior. It can also create high sensitivity to social punishments and rewards. Essentially, adolescent brains are learning how to function socially and how to control impulses and emotions. Because social media operates in ways that are counter to the healthy patterns of real society, the sponge-like brains of adolescents learn the patterns of social media rather than the correct, healthy ways to deal with emotions, conflict, and impulses, creating an environment in which it’s difficult to have a mentally healthy approach to life. 

Concerns for content exposure. While as parents we may work hard to filter out potentially harmful content from our children’s consumption, when they have access to social media, they have access to a wide range of harmful content. The Surgeon General’s report found that children and adolescents regularly using social media were exposed to images and videos related to self harm, suicide, and other risky behaviors that exacerbate mental health issues in teens already experiencing concerns such as anxiety and depression. Additionally, comparison driven body image issues are a huge concern. Social media is often highly filtered, with users cropping images or using AI filters to make their appearance different. When teens are exposed to this, they gain a distorted view of their own bodies and appearances. One study showed that, when asked about the impact of social media on their body image, 46% said it negatively impacted their view of themselves. This has been subsequently linked to disordered eating, anxiety, and depression in teens who aspire to be more like the images they consume. Finally, many teens report being exposed to hate speech, bullying, harassment, and predatory behaviors on social media platforms, and while you might think this would mean teens want to use social media less, they’re actually using it more and more. 

Concerns for excessive use. Social media platforms are designed to keep users online and scrolling. Algorithms are intended to show users more and more of what they engage with. Because teenagers struggle with self-regulation and impulse control, they are the perfect candidates for social media apps to create habits and even addictions in. In a nationwide survey looking at girls ages 11-15, 30% or more said they felt “addicted” to social media. And with a similar number of teens reporting that they were up past midnight using social media on a typical weekday, they’re also not getting adequate sleep. Poor or insufficient sleep is also directly related to mental wellness, meaning that as teens pour through social media feeds, being exposed to harsh images, unattainable body ideals, bullying, and other harmful content, they’re also depriving their brains of sleep, further deepening the harm caused by social media. 

WHAT CAN PARENTS AND CAREGIVERS DO.

We are not powerless in helping young people deal with the struggles of social media. In fact, we are duty-bound to protect them as best we can by doing the following:

• Keep kids off social media if at all possible. If they’re already on it, have a conversation about these dangers and how they feel about their social media use. It may not be comfortable, but it is very necessary.

• If you’re interested in phones for your kids that are safer alternatives to traditional smart phones, but still give them the apps they need, ability to call you in an emergency, or socialize safely with friends, check out Pinwheel phones, or Gabb Wireless phones!

• Create a family plan for social media use and model responsible behavior. It’s really hard to ask your teen to stay off their phones during the evenings if you’re on yours. 

• Foster in-person friendships. Teens often replace face-to-face conversations and friendships with those they’ve built online. Ask your kids if they want to meet up with friends to see a movie or do another activity, and then be willing to give them a ride. 

• Report cyberbullying and abuse not just to the platform but also to the school if it involves a classmate, or to the proper authorities. 

• Work with other parents to foster healthy technology use. The more families in your kids’ circles who have similar views on social media, the easier it will be for them to have healthy boundaries around the technology. 

• Seek professional help if your teen is struggling with their mental health because of social media use. We have several professionals in Rockwall and Heath who specialize in working with teens and would love the privilege of helping your child. 

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Counselor Spotlight - Andrew Hillis

This week on the Blog…

Rockwall Counseling and Wellness is proud to feature Andrew Hillis, LPC in this week’s counselor spotlight. Andrew has been with Rockwall Counseling and wellness since February of 2020, and we are so glad he’s part of our team here! For more information on his practice or to book with Andrew, click the link at the bottom of this blog post. 

Tell us a little about your journey to becoming a counselor. Where did you go to school? What are your degrees in? Are you originally from the Rockwall area? 

I am a Fort Worth native and earned my Bachelor’s degree from Texas Christian University in Psychology and Political Science in 2007. Following graduation, I worked for a few years at the University of Texas at Dallas, Center for BrainHealth as a research coordinator, lab manager, and research assistant for various fMRI research studies. While I thoroughly enjoyed the type of research I was involved in, I decided to follow the clinical route and began attending the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center, School of Health Professions for my Master’s degree in Rehabilitation Counseling. During graduate school and for several years afterwards, I worked in private practice settings around the Dallas area. In 2019 I moved to Rockwall with my wife, and I joined Rockwall Counseling and Wellness in February of 2020. 

What type of therapy are you most passionate about? Why? 

I am passionate about any type of therapy that helps someone. Finding the right combination of treatment modalities and approaches that will provide opportunities for an individual to improve mental, emotional, and physical functioning in their life is my overall goal and objective in counseling. 

If you could have any job besides the one you have now, what would you want to be doing? 

Actually, I do have another profession. I own a fine art photography company with my wife, Blair. Photography has been a passion of mine for many years and I absolutely love sharing my work for others to enjoy! We recently participated in the Main Street Fort Worth Arts Festival and are featured artists in the upcoming Deep Ellum Community Arts Fair and Allen Arts Festival this year. Check us out! https://linktr.ee/hillisphotography 

What do you feel the biggest struggle facing your clients is? 

The uncertainties in life. 

Who in your life do you most look up to? Why? 

My family, because they have guided, taught, forgiven, provided for and loved me unconditionally. 

What is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?

Cherish every moment. 

What would you say to someone who is considering starting therapy, but doesn’t know if it’s worth the time or money? 

Therapy can be worth the time and money, but it is important to find the right counselor/therapist for you. In order to heighten your chances of doing so, make the time to research various providers before scheduling your intake appointment. Take advantage of services such as free phone consultations, like the ones we offer at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness. Try to find out about the therapist’s experience and education, time in practice, and preferred therapy modalities and specialties. Don't forget though, as is the case with improving physical health, progress with mental health also requires you to dedicate and invest the necessary time, energy, and effort towards achieving your goals. Above all, when you begin therapy, be patient and believe in yourself. 

Are you a dog person or a cat person? 

I think both types of animals are great, but I am dog person and  have 2 incredible dogs, Finn & Bailey! 

Do pineapples belong on pizza? 

Yes, but it also depends on the other toppings. 

What’s your favorite place to go out to eat in Rockwall? 

RGAC, Tokyo Hana, The Downing Bottles & Bites, RamenHead(pickup) 

What do you like to do in your free time? 

Spending time with my family, traveling, and photography. 

What’s your favorite time of year? 

Fall and Winter 

Tell us a little about your family. 

My wife, Blair, worked in accounting for almost 12 years and is now doing her dream job as a Realtor. We have an amazing son named Brooks who is almost 3 yrs old and the light of our lives. And to round out our family, we have the best dogs, Finn and Bailey. 

What is your favorite place to visit? 

Northern Ireland and Colorado 

Are you more introverted, extroverted, or a mixture of both?  

Mixture of both. 

When the Kids Grow Up: Rebuilding Broken Relationships

Broken relationships. This phrase is one none of us want to hear, but one of the relationships we least want to see broken is the relationship we have with our children. As we have delved into understanding the dynamics of relationships between adult children and their parents, we’ve addressed how to lay a foundation that avoids serious rifts in the future as well as what happens when a child’s decisions cause them to go wayward. The final aspect of this series looks at rebuilding a broken relationship with your adult child. And although the obvious goal is to avoid this separation altogether, realistically, when two humans interact with one another, neither is perfect; hurt can occur, regardless of how the two people are connected to each other. This means that parents and children can and will have conflict, too. 

But this doesn’t mean that hope is at all lost if you and your child have a strained relationship. Just as with a marriage or friendship that encounters difficulty, you can work with your child to rebuild trust, honesty, and communication when you have a broken relationship with them. It will take work on both of your parts, and it may require professional help. But with commitment to a positive outcome and clear communication, you can work to rebuild your relationship with a wayward child. 

Start conflict resolution from a healthy place. One of the first steps you should take is determining if all parties are capable of moving forward toward a better relationship than what you’ve had in the past. If you have had serious conflict with your child because of life choices he or she has made, you may not be willing to engage in rebuilding a relationship with them until they’ve corrected the errors they’ve made or gotten set on a better path. For example, if your child broke your trust by abusing drugs or alcohol, you may need to make sure they’re working on their own sobriety before attempting to rebuild. The reverse is also true. If you have mistakes you should account for, such as infidelity with your child’s other parent, or anger issues of your own you need to be willing to take responsibility for the hurt this may have caused your child. 

Set yourself up for success in communication. One of the ways you may have fallen out with your adult child is refusal to communicate for one reason or another. It could be that your adult child disagrees with you about the way they have chosen to parent and in setting a boundary communicates with you less and less, or you could have told a wayward adult child that you won’t engage in communication with them while they are still in active rebellion. Whatever the reason for lack of communication, if you’re working on rebuilding trust, open communication is vital. Talk with your adult child about when and how you both want to communicate with one another. Is text messaging better because it can be reciprocated easily? Or are face to face conversations easier because tone doesn’t have to be inferred? Do other people, such as their partner or spouse, need to be included in the communication? Be respectful of one another’s time, and remember that it’s okay to start small and work your way to bigger, heavier topics if you have been out of touch for a longer period of time. 

Remember that respect and boundaries should be exhibited by both you and your child. Boundaries and respect are crucial parts of any healthy relationship. If you are working to rebuild a broken relationship with your adult child, ask them up front what boundaries they feel are important and be sure to communicate which boundaries are important to you. By discussing these things initially, it is easier to hold a boundary if it is violated. For example, if you cannot be a part of your adult child’s risky or dangerous choices, let them know this from the start, so it doesn’t feel as much like an ambush to them if the boundary has to be held. Additionally, this concept goes both ways. Be willing to listen to the boundaries your adult child sets and respect the ways they are protecting their own mental and emotional well-being. 

Willingness to accept responsibility for mistakes can go a long way in repairing a broken relationship. If you and your adult child have come to a point at which you’re both ready to reconnect, they may have done work themselves in understanding unhealthy patterns in relationships as well as the formative experiences that molded their world view. As much as you may want your adult child to take accountability for his or her actions, if they come to you with openness and honesty about a hurt you inflicted upon them, it is important to hear them, acknowledge your own wrongdoing, and ask for forgiveness. We cannot expect our adult children to apologize for their mistakes if we are unwilling to do so. 

Bringing in a neutral, highly-trained, third party can be beneficial for everyone. Family counseling is not just for families with young children. Broken relationships with adult children can benefit greatly from working with a licensed counselor. This professional can help you understand your adult child’s needs and create a new relationship for you in this new phase of life. 

Having adult children is a unique path to navigate. It can be difficult to deal with conflict and wayward behavior in adult children because, unlike our young children, they have the freedom to do as they please and remove themselves from our homes. As much as we want to continue to have our children in our lives as they grow into adulthood, it’s not required, and it can be difficult if there has been a strained relationship. If you are seeking help to work on rebuilding a relationship with your adult child or you are looking to avoid current family difficulties becoming worse, click the link below to connect with a counselor from Rockwall Counseling and Wellness today. 

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Counselor Spotlight - Katheryn Chaney, LCSW-S, RPT-S

This week on the blog…

Rockwall Counseling and Wellness would like for you to get to know Katheryn Chaney. A Rockwall ISD alum, Katheryn has been a therapist for nearly two decades. Specializing in work with trauma survivors, Katheryn’s experience and compassion are incredibly valued here at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness. To book a session with Katheryn, click the link at the bottom of the post!

Tell us a little about your journey to becoming a counselor. Where did you go to school? What are your degrees in? Are you originally from the Rockwall area?

I have been a therapist for 18 years. I started out at Texas Tech University and completed my degrees at Texas A&M University-Commerce. Both my undergraduate degree and Masters degree are in Social Work. I graduated from High School in Rockwall (a long time ago!), then moved to the Austin area for several years after receiving my education, then returning and settling in Forney, Texas in 2000 where my husband and I began raising our family. Up until I came to Rockwall Counseling and Wellness, I had worked for non-profit organizations in the area of adoption, foster care, and child advocacy. I spent some time in education both in the public school setting and University setting as a clinical instructor in the School of Social Work at Texas A&M University-Commerce. 

What type of therapy are you most passionate about? Why?

I am most passionate about working with trauma survivors, children and adults. We all have a story worth telling and that story deserves to be honored and heard. I have been trained in EMDR and am certified in Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, both evidenced based practices which offer hope and healing to individuals healing from traumatic experiences. I have a special place in my heart for individuals healing from childhood sexual abuse. I am also passionate about play therapy and have been a registered Play Therapist and supervisor for many years as well (RPT-S). It's very rewarding hearing a child's story through their play and interaction with the world around them. It's amazing what we can learn from children if we just listen and join their world, real or imaginary.

If you could have any job besides the one you have now, what would you want to be doing?

The job I would want if I wasn't doing my dream job already would be a doctor or a nurse. I have always been drawn to helping professions and this seems a natural fit for me! 

What do you feel the biggest struggle facing your clients is?

Let's face it, LIFE IS HARD and bad things happen that we are not quite prepared for and oftentimes feel completely overwhelmed by.  It helps to have someone who sees this challenge and is willing to face it with us. When bad things in our life happen, we can sometimes formulate unhealthy and unhelpful internal dialogue as a result. I love helping my clients sort this out and formulate more accurate self talk which can be empowering and life changing! What we tell ourselves matters. I like to make sure what my clients are telling themselves is accurate, helpful and empowering. 

Who in your life do you most look up to? Why?

I have had many people in my life who have made a significant imprint on my life and practice. Professionally speaking, I would have to say I have been most influenced by the practice of Dr. Gary Landreth at the University of North Texas Center for Play Therapy most and aspire to provide the same safe space for my clients as he has for his.

What is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?

Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and move on. I would spend much less time people pleasing and more time investing in me and my relationships. 

What would you say to someone who is considering starting therapy, but doesn’t know if it’s worth the time or money?

It is so worth it! Investing in yourself is what healthy people do. It's never too late to take care of you. If you are not okay, the other important roles in your life will suffer. You are worth the investment!

Are you a dog person or a cat person?

Definitely a dog person! We currently have a micro mini goldendoodle named "Ruby" and she is one of the loves of my life. We are currently training her as a therapy dog, so hopefully very soon she'll be joining me in the office.

Do pineapples belong on pizza?

I guess if you like pineapples, sure! Who am I to judge, LOL! I can't say I've ever had pineapple on my pizza, but I would be willing to try it.

What’s your favorite place to go out to eat in Rockwall?

My favorite Rockwall spot is probably Mi Cocina or Zanata! 

What do you like to do in your free time?

I don't have much free time as a working mom of three very active girls, but when I do, I love spending time on the lake or playing outside with my family. We love vacationing and adventures of all kinds. 

What’s your favorite time of year?

Summer is definitely my favorite time of year. Sunshine is so good for the soul and just makes me so happy.

Tell us a little about your family.

I have been married to my college sweetheart, Chad for 25 years this August! We have three beautiful girls ranging in age from 20 to 10. They are definitely the best thing we've ever done. 

What is your favorite place to visit?

We are pretty simple people and love the lake! We've been blessed to visit some pretty cool places as a family, but our favorite place to be is the lake. We love boating, surfing, and spending time outside. Lake life is the best life!

If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be and why?

I would want to have dinner with my mother-in-law, Lynda Chaney. I didn't get enough time with her as my mother-in-law, as she passed away in 2000 just two years after my husband and I married. She was beautiful inside and out, and I have lots of questions. She was patient and kind, and I so admired her. It's beautiful to see some of her best qualities come to life in my husband. She definitely made her mark on him and for that I am grateful. 

Are you more introverted, extroverted, or a mixture of both?

There are times I am super extroverted, typically with my oldest and best friends, LOL and there are times I tend to be more introverted.  I am a deep thinker, oftentimes overthinking things. I would say I am a good mix of both. 

When the Kids Grow Up: Parenting Wayward Adult Children

The anecdotes are ones we’ve heard before. We may have witnessed it with a sibling or family member, or even ourselves. We’ve seen friends go through the struggle - wayward adult children. The grown up kid whose decisions aren’t keeping them safe, whose lifestyle has veered drastically from the way they were raised. 

No one wants to think about the possibility of having a significant falling out with an adult child. It’s one thing, and it’s even expected, to have disagreements, difficult conversations, and tough stretches when your kids are young. But when children grow up, leave our homes, and become independent, their decisions are no longer ours to guide. Nevertheless, we still are their parents. We want what’s best for them. We want them to avoid harm. We want them to want and need our advice and input; it’s only natural. In reality, they may not need it, and they may not want it. Whatever the situation is that leads to a wayward adult child - money decisions, a relationship you feel is harmful, substance abuse, walking away from religion - there are important things for you the parent to keep in mind that will allow you to have peace and continue to seek a stable relationship with your adult child. 

Your wayward child’s decisions are not your fault. While there may be many factors at play in your adult child’s world, some of which could come from childhood experiences, the choices they make are ultimately their own. If they are adults and have chosen to live out of your home, you cannot control the choices they make. 

You can and should set boundaries for yourself. If a wayward child is treating you disrespectfully, you do not have to engage in that conversation. As hard as it may be, you can tell your child, “I will not participate in a conversation where I am called names. So, if you choose to do that, I will not be engaging in this discussion.” Remember, boundaries are set to protect yourself, not to punish others. 

A person’s unkindness often speaks more to hurt they are experiencing than a desire to hurt someone else. If your child is lashing out at you, it’s likely not because of something specific you did, but, much like a tantrum in a young child, is actually about something much bigger. For example, if you have expressed disapproval of your adult child’s relationship, and they choose to speak in a hurtful way to you, your disapproval may be causing them insecurity. 

Enabling someone is not loving. One of the hardest things parents of wayward children face is knowing when they cross the line from helping their child into enabling their child. Although this most often happens with parents whose children engage in substance abuse, it can also happen when adult children mismanage money or make other drastic, poor choices. We all want our children to be safe, but protecting them from the natural consequences of their adult decisions may only make matters worse in the long run. Knowing this balance is delicate, and it will look different for every family depending on the circumstances. A good question to ask yourself may be this, “Is the help I’m giving my wayward child causing other members of my family or myself to be in an unsafe situation or to lose something important?” If the answer is yes, you may want to consider if you’re helping or enabling. 

You can love your child infinitely, and choose to disengage from dangerous behavior. As uncomfortable as it may be, if you have an adult child engaging in illegal or dangerous behavior, it is more loving to set a boundary and not be party to that activity. 

When communicating with your wayward child, focus on your love for them rather than how their behavior or choices make you feel. At the end of the day, your wayward child is still the person you raised. You still love them. This is the basis for all your concern, all your worry, and all your pain. And it should be the focus of what you tell them. You don’t have to see eye-to-eye for your child to know that they are loved. 

Even if your child is not interested in counseling, you can benefit from seeking outside help. While working with a counselor may be beneficial for your wayward child, they may not see things that way initially. However, you, your spouse, and other members of your family may benefit from seeing a counselor to talk through what is going on in your family. Having a wayward child is emotionally taxing and can even be traumatizing. By focusing on your own mental health and wellness, you can be better prepared to set those boundaries and to have difficult conversations with your child when they arise. If you are struggling with a parenting an adult child, or are interested in other counseling services, click the link below to find a counselor at one of our Rockwall or Heath locations today!

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Counselor Spotlight - Jordan Clipson, LMFT-Associate, Supervised by Monica Urbaniak, LMFT-S

this week on the blog…

Rockwall Counseling and Wellness would like to take an opportunity for you to get to know Jordan Clipson, one of our marriage and family therapy associates. Jordan is such an amazing asset to our team, and we know her clients are thankful for her expertise and compassion! If you’re interested in booking a session with Jordan, click the link at the bottom of this post to get connected with her!

Tell us a little about your journey to becoming a counselor. Where did you go to school? What are your degrees in? Are you originally from the Rockwall area?

I always had interest in and gravitated towards careers related to social services and ultimately discovered Marriage and Family Therapy in the beginning of college and immediately knew that was the path for me. I graduated from Kansas State University with a Bachelors in Family Studies and Human Services with a minor in Conflict Resolution and Trauma Studies and an additional certification in Conflict Resolution. I then went onto to Oklahoma State University where I earned a Masters in HDFS, Marriage and Family Therapy. I am originally from El Campo, TX though I moved to Paris, TX in middle school and now currently live in Paris. 

What type of therapy are you most passionate about? Why?

I am most drawn to working with couples. Everyone deserves a healthy, supportive and loving relationship and it is the greatest honor to assist my clients in creating that relationship for themselves. I love making my sessions a comfortable and even fun environment to discuss the most vulnerable of issues and erase the stigma around couple’s therapy. 

If you could have any job besides the one you have now, what would you want to be doing?

I would absolutely be a cosmetologist. They get to spend their day creating long standing relationships with their clients and being creative in their work. It would be much more standing than I do now, but it has always seemed fun and rewarding! 

What do you feel the biggest struggle facing your clients is?

For my couples, most always cite communication as their biggest issue. Which makes so much sense, the dynamic in which we communicate impacts every aspect of our relationship (finances, parenting, intimacy, in-laws etc). Though, I find people typically communicate just fine it is empathetic listening that they may struggle with and that may perpetuate problems.

Who in your life do you most look up to? Why?

I look up to my mom the most. She wouldn’t agree, but I feel like she could write a book on parenting because she is so incredible at it. I hope that one day I can be half as empathetic, supportive, fun and guiding as she has been to me. 

What would you say to someone who is considering starting therapy, but doesn’t know if it’s worth the time or money?

The thought of starting therapy can be so scary or overwhelming for many reasons, so I would validate having reservations. Therapy is also a big investment for a lot of people. Though, investing in healing your trauma, strengthening your mental well-being, and bettering yourself as a parent or partner may be the best money you ever spend.

Are you a dog person or a cat person?

I am 100% a cat person. I have a big, grumpy white cat named Georgie and he is just the best.

Do pineapples belong on pizza?

Pineapple on pizza is a crime and waste of a perfectly good pizza.

What’s your favorite place to go out to eat in Rockwall?

Ramen Head hands down!!!

What do you like to do in your free time?

I play a lot of golf, spend time with friends and family, love trying new recipes, crochet, pointed pen calligraphy, photography, travel, and recently just became a CASA advocate! Collecting hobbies is my hobby.

What’s your favorite time of year?

Summer! I love the warm weather and spending time by the water.

Tell us a little about your family.

I am one of 5 kids and come from a very large extended family. As well as several close friends that are family. Long term, close relationships are extremely important to me. 

What is your favorite place to visit?

I studied abroad in Italy during college and the Amalfi Coast was incredible. The views, the food, the people. Close second would be the U.S. Virgin Islands. 

If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be and why?

Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I admire her life’s work as an advocate and trailblazer for women. 

Are you more introverted, extroverted, or a mixture of both?

I would say I am an extrovert. I love being social and feel energized around others. I love meeting new people and making new friends!

When the Kids Grow Up: Laying Foundations for Children to Fly

Parents all know that the time is coming eventually. We are made aware of the limited time we have with our kids when we bring them home from the hospital. Eighteen years. Thirteen school breaks. A limited number of weekends. That precious time we have to help mold and guide our children into who they will become is so limited. We spend childhood and adolescence teaching them to make choices, building their character, cheering them onward.  Whether our children leave home at eighteen to go off to college, start a career, or even stay at home for a while as adults, a shift occurs when our children become adults that must be acknowledged. And while experts say it shouldn’t be one distinct moment when our children go from completely dependent on us to completely independent, the transition can be difficult for everyone if there is not a foundation of trust, understanding, clear boundaries and expectations, and of course love. It doesn’t have to be a scary time of unknown for you or your child, if you take some crucial steps throughout your parenting. 

1. Start early in explaining to your kids why their independence is important to you. One of the best ways for children to be prepared for independence is for them to be given independence early on in life. This can be done in developmentally appropriate ways as your children grow up. It may look like allowing your toddler to pick his or her own clothing or telling your elementary school child that she is responsible for packing her own backpack for school. When your child becomes a teenager, they can start making their own haircut or dentist appointments, filling out their paperwork for school, (minus your signature of course!) and making their own choices about extra-curricular activities and courses to take. If your child struggles with wanting to do these things independently or wanting your help in ways that are not healthy, help them understand that you want them to be able to make their own choices and manage their own needs eventually. Remind them they are competent and capable with your actions and your trust of them. It’s always better for our kids to make a mistake while we can help them understand and cope with the consequences of that mistake than for the first time they mess up to be outside of the safety of our care. 

2. Help your children to know they can always trust you with their concerns and worries. One way to ensure that your children will continue to come to you for advice and counsel even as adults is to be trustworthy with them from a young age. If your kindergartener comes to you upset about a friend’s mean words, make sure to affirm how your child feels and talk with him or her about what happened. If your teen wants to talk about a budding romantic relationship and asks you to keep something in confidence, don’t break their trust by telling people outside of your family about what they said. Your child should know that your word can be trusted and that while you won’t keep a secret (say from their other parent or that could cause harm) you won’t break their trust. This will build a foundation for their future where as adults, they can come to you with bigger questions and worries, knowing that you will not break their trust and that your advice is given in wisdom and truth. 

3. Give your child boundaries for your relationship with them and help them learn to form boundaries for themselves. One of the most crucial ways we can help prepare our children for independence is to teach them how to have healthy relationships with others and to protect their own mental well-being. A solid foundation for this is to teach your children about boundaries within relationships. You can read more about setting boundaries in our blog post on the topic. 

4. Respect your children’s decisions when they make a wise choice, even if it’s not the choice you might have made for yourself. As their kids become teenagers and adults, parents can often struggle with understanding why their children choose different paths than they might themselves have taken. This can lead to questioning your child’s choices or even criticizing their decision making skills. While it may seem like it’s your place to comment on your older child’s choice in college, career path, or choice of partner, this commentary can be damaging if it’s not done in the right way.  If your child is not unsafe, it’s important to be careful and purposeful in how you talk with them about their life choices. For example, if your teenager decides to take a year between high school and college to work and figure out exactly where they would like to go to school and what to study, you may feel like they shouldn’t do this, especially if it wasn’t your path. But if they have logical reasons, they’re not hurting anyone, and they have a clear plan, try to be hands-off. It may help your relationship in the long-run because you’ve trusted their judgment. 

Overall, parenting older children can be tricky. It is a balance between offering guide rails while also allowing them to “fail safely.” We all want to continue to have strong relationships as our children age into adulthood, and maintaining trust and communication are vital to this. 

In the upcoming weeks, we will be expanding on this idea, so be sure to come back to the blog to learn more about parenting adult children! In the meantime, if you want to learn more about building relationships with your kids, or need help with a difficult parenting or family situation, click the link below to connect with one of our Rockwall or Heath counselors that specialize in family or teen counseling. 

Mental Health Misinformation

Social media can be such a great resource for people looking to learn more about mental health or improve themselves relationally. It is so positive to see that society is more aware of and sensitive to mental health issues and that resources are more readily available to those that seek help. But as with anything else on the internet, we have to be cautious and aware of where we get our information. There are so many posts made about how to identify toxic relationships, how to set boundaries, or even identifying narcissism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent diagnoses. So, how can we be sure that the advice and information we take in is reliable and true? There are a few things you can look for when taking in social media posts or website information about mental health and well-being. By being aware of these warning signs, you can avoid being misled by well-intentioned, or even not-so-well-intentioned posts.

Avoid taking advice from an unlicensed person. This may seem very simple, but in reality, it can be deceiving. Often, you may come across people sharing their personal mental health journeys through social media, but just because they are talking about setting boundaries or therapy techniques, does not mean they’re licensed to advise you. If you see a video or post that you connect with, go to the profile that shared it originally and look to find their credentials. Are they a licensed professional counselor? Is it from a life coach or social worker? These are some of the credentials that you may want to make sure someone has before trusting the advice or information they share. 

Consider the motivation for sharing the information. Because so much of the internet is monetized, even some mental health professionals earn income from sharing about selected products, promoting their own books, or displaying brands they’ve partnered with. There is nothing inherently wrong with this. The internet definitely provides opportunities for people to earn extra money through this type of posting. But if a post is implying that you “need” a book or product in order to “fix” your problem, it is probably a post and a profile to avoid, especially if this is the only type of content they post. 

Be wary of posts that use absolute language. In life, it’s good in general to avoid absolutes. Very rarely is something “always” or “never” true. For example, if a social media account says that something is “always a sign of depression” or “always a character trait of a narcissist” it may be language they’re using to attract more views or clicks. 

Be cognizant of how social media algorithms work. So while we won’t go into the indepth version of how social media decides what to show us, the short version is this:  the more you see of a certain type of post, the more you will see that type of post. If you start following a Christian mental health professional, Instagram is going to show you Reels or posts from other Christian mental health professionals. If you watch a video about setting boundaries with your adult children, you’re more likely to see other videos on the same topic. The reason this can be problematic is that all of a sudden, you may find yourself surrounded by posts that have you questioning what you know about yourself. As humans, we’re very susceptible to the power of suggestion. It’s the same reason that when you buy a new car, you start to see that same model car everywhere you go. 

If you see 10 videos talking about symptoms of depression, you’re probably more likely to wonder if you’re depressed. Be sure to check-in with yourself often, so you know what you’re really feeling and thinking as opposed to what you’re being exposed to.

Be selective in the accounts you follow. There is so much content out in the world, and I think we can all agree that not all of it serves us well. If you find yourself frustrated by what you’re seeing in your feed, disagreeing with it, or triggered by it in any way, unfollow the account. If you come across a video that doesn’t align with your own beliefs and values, click “see less of this” to remove it from your search pages for the future. Just because you come across it, doesn’t mean you have to engage with it or give it space on your feed. 

Keep in mind that what you follow on social media should be a supplement to your mental health work, not a replacement for it.  The ease of watching a free, short, 90-second video that addresses the problem you’re having has huge appeal. I mean, why sit through a challenging therapy session when you could just scroll through Instagram? Because the two are not the same. If you truly want to lose weight or get in shape, you’d never be able to accomplish that simply by following fitness influencers. If you want to learn to play piano, you can’t accomplish this just by watching videos of pianists. In order to change and grow, you have to put in the work. Learning to cope with anxiety, depression, grief, self-esteem issues or working on your relationships is just that - work. And while you may be able to gain inspiration or encouragement from the pages you follow and the posts you like, it can’t replace sitting down with a licensed professional, learning how to better yourself, and implementing what you learn. If you’re ready to take your mental health journey off your phone and into a session, click the link below to connect with one of our Rockwall area therapists. 

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Counselor Spotlight - Maddie Falk, LPC

this week on the blog…

We’d love to introduce you to Maddie Falk, LPC. Maddie works out of our Heath office. We are so grateful for her wisdom and passionate care for her clients. Check out her answers to our interview questions to learn more about Maddie and her practice!

Tell us a little about your journey to becoming a counselor. Where did you go to school? What are your degrees in? Are you originally from the Rockwall area?

 I attended Dallas Baptist University and received my undergraduate degree in Communication as well as my Masters in Counseling. I did not grow up in the Rockwall area but I have loved every moment of living here! 

What type of therapy are you most passionate about? Why?

 I am passionate about helping moms find their footing as they navigate postpartum issues and finding balance in their new role. I also enjoy helping clients process things from the past and walk with them on the journey to emotional healing. 

If you could have any job besides the one you have now, what would you want to be doing?

  I would love to be an author. I have had several small poems and articles published from the time I was in elementary school through my adult years. I hope to write a book someday! 

What do you feel the biggest struggle facing your clients is?

 A big struggle I’ve noticed is difficulty processing painful emotions and negative self talk. 

Who in your life do you most look up to? Why?

I look up to my parents because of their love and care for others. They are intentional and servant hearted and have a positive impact on everyone they meet.  

What is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?

 Go visit your grandparents more. Soak in their stories and perspective. 

What would you say to someone who is considering starting therapy, but doesn’t know if it’s worth the time or money?

Therapy opens the door to healing through being seen, felt, and validated and is 100% worth it! I’ve never heard anyone say they regret going to therapy.

Are you a dog person or a cat person? 

Dog person 100%! I have 2 large goldendoodles. 

Do pineapples belong on pizza? 

Absolutely not. 

What’s your favorite place to go out to eat in Rockwall? 

Zanata!! 

What do you like to do in your free time? 

I love to run! I ran a marathon in 2020 and have run 10+ half marathons.

What’s your favorite time of year? 

Fall. I love the nice weather and watching the leaves change. 

Tell us a little about your family.

I have been married for almost 7 years and have an adorable and adventurous 17 month old. 

What is your favorite place to visit?  

I love the mountains, we have hiked in Oregon, Colorado, California, and Washington. 

If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be and why? 

I would like to have dinner with Fred Rogers. He was an incredibly kind and intentional individual and I would love to learn from him. 

Are you more introverted, extroverted, or a mixture of both? 

I am the only extrovert in my family. Motherhood has helped me appreciate alone time a little bit more! 

Counseling and Grief: How Therapy Can Help You Process Pain

Queen Elizabeth II once said, “Grief is the price we pay for love.” If we have loved someone, the result of losing that person is grief. The idea of grief encompasses the range of emotions a person feels when a loss occurs. These can include, but aren’t limited to, sadness, anger, depression, emptiness, denial, shock, or even apathy. Grief is a part of the human experience, and even though the most common cause of grief is the loss of a loved one, any major loss can cause grief - the loss of a career, the loss of your home, the end of a marriage, or even an unexpected diagnosis that changes the path of your life. All of these events can cause feelings of grief, and without working through the loss you’ve experienced, grief can become overwhelming and impact your mental health and your relationships with those around you. If you’ve recently experienced a loss or someone you care for is going through the grieving process, here are some things to keep in mind.

• Your feelings of grief are valid. You may feel like you need to “move on” or “toughen up” if you’re struggling after a significant loss, but this is just not true. Pushing aside the negative things you feel will not solve your problem and will only prolong emotional healing. 

• Although we often hear about the “stages of grief” the grieving process is not linear. If you were to Google “stages of grief,” you would come across articles outlining the following:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Brought forth by psychiatrist Elisabether Kubler-Ross in 1969, these are the widely accepted phases that psychologists use when talking about grief. However, mental health professionals also now agree that grief is not something that happens in a predictable pattern; it affects each person differently. Kubler-Ross herself said in her last book published in 2004 that the stages of grief were, “never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages.” A grieving person may go back and forth between all of these different mindsets as they process their loss. They may never experience denial, or they may initially accept the loss, but after further thought become angry. These emotions can change daily and be triggered by unexpected things. It’s okay if your grief ebbs and flows.

• You can move forward from your loss without forgetting the person or idea that you’ve lost. If you have suffered the loss of a child to miscarriage, becoming pregnant again neither negates your loss or means you’ve forgotten that child. The same goes for if you’ve lost a spouse but eventually remarry or lost a pet and eventually get another. The person you’re grieving can remain important to you, regardless of how your life changes after they’re gone.

• Your grief is your own, and while it is good to seek counsel from those you trust, no one has a right to tell you how you should feel or how you should grieve. If the way you are processing your emotions is not causing harm to you or others, you don’t need to change how you’re grieving. 

• Just as with any other mental health situation, grief may also cause physical symptoms such as panic attacks, fatigue, nausea, aches and pains. While these symptoms are normal to experience, if they are interfering with your daily life, you should seek help from a licensed therapist. 

• Grief can be isolating if you allow it to, but you do not have to feel alone. Often when we go through a loss, it can seem like no one quite understands what we’re experiencing. This feeling can lead to emotional isolation. Finding a trusted person to talk with as you grieve can help you feel connected and heard. This can be where counseling comes into play. 

Grief counseling can be a valuable experience for those suffering after a loss. Working with a therapist as you grieve may help you to:

• Process any traumatic events related to your loss.

• Learn to effectively communicate your emotions and needs.

• Gain tools to deal with anxiety related to your grief.

• Release any guilt associated with the loss.

• Function better in day-to-day life as you adjust to a changed reality.

• Handle your grief in a way that is mentally healthy for you, even if it is not what others may expect.

• Express your feelings regarding your loss in a tangible way that gives you validation.

• Find ways to honor the loss you’ve experienced that bring you joy and validation.

If you or someone you love needs help from a therapist to deal with loss or grief, click the button below to connect with one of our Rockwall or Heath area counselors. 

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Counselor Spotlight: Kelly Hawkins, LPC

this week on the blog…

This week we’d like to introduce you to Kelly Hawkins, LPC. Kelly is a valued member of our team who specializes in helping those with anxiety, depression, and trauma processing. We’re so thankful for the work Kelly does with her clients! If you’re interested in booking with Kelly, click the button at the bottom of her interview. 

Tell us a little about your journey to becoming a counselor. Where did you go to school? What are your degrees in? Are you originally from the Rockwall area?

I attended Texas A&M University and got a Bachelor of Arts in Communication with a minor in Psychology. After A&M, I attended Dallas Theological Seminary and got a Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling; I am from College Station, TX.

What type of therapy are you most passionate about? Why?

I am most passionate about working with people with depression, anxiety, and trauma. I love this Eleanor Roosevelt quote “It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself.” I have seen the benefit of counseling firsthand in my own life, as well as my clients. It is one of my greatest honors to be able to walk with people through all of life’s highs and lows.

If you could have any job besides the one you have now, what would you want to be doing?

I already have another job that I love! I am a mom to my two babies (ages 3 and 1).

What do you feel the biggest struggle facing your clients is?

The world feels heavy these days. You don’t have to look far or hard to see or hear of all of the brokenness and pain - in our city, our country, and our world. Technology and social media gives us access to so much, but also overwhelms our brain and gives ammunition for toxic and negative thoughts. Many people are still feeling the effects of COVID. “We don’t have to do it all alone. We were never meant to”. -Brene Brown

Who in your life do you most look up to? Why?

My parents. They both have been through traumatic experiences - my dad was a widower at age 43 and my mother went through a hard divorce. They both struggled in the midst of their grief, but I am a product of their healing. In the midst of suffering and darkness, sometimes we need to be reminded there is light and hope coming.

What is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?

No one thinks of you as much as you think of you. 

What would you say to someone who is considering starting therapy, but doesn’t know if it’s worth the time or money?

We all want to find value in what we prioritize with our time and money. Therapy is an investment —  an investment in yourself! The effects of therapy can be felt/seen by  everyone around you, even generations. One of the greatest indicators of success in counseling is the connection you have with your therapist, so use the free phone consultation and find the right fit for you!

Are you a dog person or a cat person? 

Dog! I have two black labs and would love to get a therapy dog someday!

Do pineapples belong on pizza? 

Absolutely!

What’s your favorite place to go out to eat in Rockwall? 

Bin 303!

What do you like to do in your free time?

Read a good book, watch a show, and hang out with my family.

What’s your favorite time of year?

Fall

Tell us a little about your family.

I have been married to my husband Cody for almost 10 years. We currently have two children - one girl and one boy!

What is your favorite place to visit? 

We lived in Virginia for 3 years and we love to go back to visit every year. Bonus points if it is Fall right after the leaves change!

If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be and why? 

This is so random, but I am currently obsessed with King Henry VIII, so probably Anne Boleyn! 

Are you more introverted, extroverted, or a mixture of both? 

I’ve been told that I am an outgoing introvert. 

A Beginner's Guide to Boundaries

Questions to ask yourself when beginning to set boundaries

Boundaries. Though this idea is not a new one for mental health professionals or those of us who have participated in counseling or therapy, setting healthy boundaries is one of those topics you may have heard of recently in the news or on social media. The word itself may sound harsh or punitive, but in fact boundaries are an important part of any healthy relationship and can allow you to prioritize your time, mental health, and emotional health. Learning to set boundaries at work, at home, and in your relationships can positively impact your self-esteem by allowing you to disengage from unhealthy patterns in a way that is respectful of the other party and your own values. By evaluating what it is you want to prioritize in different situations, you can learn where to set boundaries and how to respectfully enforce them.

AREAS TO CONSIDER SETTING BOUNDARIES

Boundaries in the workplace. One area of your life where you may want to consider setting boundaries is with your work. Western and particularly American culture are extremely work and task driven, and while this can certainly allow us to be successful in reaching goals, too often people find balancing work life and home life incredibly difficult. An example of setting a boundary at work might be to communicate with your employer or supervisor the hours you’ll be available and whether or not you’ll be responding to emails or other work related communication outside of your time in the workplace. For example, if you want your weekends to be solely for family time, but your supervisor sends emails over the weekend, you may need to set a boundary by communicating, “I understand that there are things that may come up outside of business hours, however, my unpaid weekend time is for my family. I will not be dealing with work issues during these times, and will instead respond when I return to the office on Monday mornings. Thank you for respecting this.” Notice that this boundary isn’t punitive. It places the responsibility for holding the boundary with you, not your employer. You’re planning to prioritize your time with your family because it is what you value. 

Boundaries in romantic relationships. This can be such a tricky area in which to set boundaries, but is also one of the most important. Whether a dating relationship or marriage, romantic relationships need the trust, respect, and safety that healthy boundaries create. One example of a boundary you may discuss with your spouse could be how you speak to one another in moments of conflict or argument. It could sound something like, “Because I feel emotionally triggered when I am yelled at, I will not engage in any conversation where there is yelling. If you yell during an argument, I will disengage until I know we can continue the conversation in a de-escalated way.” Again, this has more to do with what you will tolerate rather than controlling the behavior of the other person. You’re the one responsible for removing yourself from the situation rather than just telling them to stop yelling. 

Boundaries with family members. Just like with romantic relationships, boundaries within your family can be challenging. No one wants to feel that they’ve alienated someone they love by setting a boundary. But it’s also important to remember that boundaries don’t exist to harm the other person but rather to preserve your own priorities. Any number of areas with family can be something you set a boundary regarding - visits, time spent together, conversation topics, privacy, etc. One common boundary people set within families surrounds the types of conversations that you want to have or not have. You may, for example, not want to engage in political conversations with family members because, while you respect their differing view from yours, you feel it always escalates and causes tension. You might set a boundary from this by saying, “I can tell you feel really strongly about this topic, and I know it’s important to you. However, I won’t discuss it with you. Talking about this topic is not more valuable than our relationship, and I don’t want to cause tension between us.” You may also run into issues with family members and your children if you are a parent. Often parents set boundaries to protect their children’s mental health from situations that may arise with family members. Whether it is in regard to your parenting style, what your children wear, their eating habits, or their behavior, if you feel your child is being negatively impacted by the input of others, especially if it is unsolicited input, it is okay to set a boundary regarding this. 

THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN SETTING A BOUNDARY

As we’ve mentioned, setting boundaries can seem tricky and even unnatural if you’re a people pleaser or used to setting your own wishes aside to make others comfortable. If you’re new to setting healthy boundaries for yourself, consider the following questions as you try to figure out the process:

1. What goal or priority of mine does this boundary support?

2. Am I setting this boundary to punish someone else or to protect myself?

3. Can I hold this boundary in a healthy way while still respecting others?

4. Am I willing to accept that holding this boundary could impact my relationship with others, even if that is not a reflection of myself?

Learning to set healthy boundaries can be a truly revolutionary practice in your life, as it ensures that relationships you keep support you and don’t impact you negatively. They are an empowering way to keep your priorities in alignment while still respecting others. If you need help learning more about boundaries or how to implement them into your life, click the link below to find which one of our Rockwall area counselors can help you learn about this important practice!

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Helping Teens Develop Healthy Relationships

As adults, we all remember our first boyfriend or girlfriend. Depending on how we define this type of romantic interaction, you may think about the boy who held your hand on the playground in fourth grade, or you may think of the girl you “went out with” in seventh grade, but…you never actually spoke to. For most of us, this first relationship was probably filled with a lot of “puppy love,” and we probably look back at how awkward we were, and cringe with utter embarrassment, I know I do. But the reality is, that if you have a kid between the ages of 11 and 18, they’re probably already thinking about “dating” or their classmates may be. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average age at which teens start dating is 12.5 for girls and 13.5 for boys. Dating and romantic relationships will happen, and it is a natural part of kids growing up and gaining more independence. So, as a parent, what are the things you need to know to keep your teen safe,  both physically and emotionally, as they enter a phase of life where they’re interacting with their peers romantically? 

HOW TO ENTER RELATIONSHIPS

Before your child starts dating, talk as a family about the rules and expectations.
Rules, restrictions, boundaries, expectations. Whatever verbiage you use as a family, it is important that before your child enters a romantic relationship, they know what you expect from them, and the consequences if they break these boundaries. For example, maybe you want there to always be an adult present when your teen is with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Make this expectation clear, and then be willing to be the adult present. Give your child the resources they need to be in a relationship within your boundaries. 

Model and openly discuss how they should be treated in a relationship as well as how they should treat the other person. This is such an easy yet important thing to do. It can be as simple as making a point of when your spouse treats you the way you want your child to be treated. Statements like, “I love that your dad knew I had a bad day and brought home flowers. He really understands that receiving gifts is my love language, and it made me feel so valued,” or, “Your mom is such a great listener. I’ve always valued that she really hears what I have to say and helps me work through things” shows your child what they should value in a partner and reinforces that strong relationships are built on trust and respect.

Work to get to know the person your child is interested in dating. Rather than the Hollywood-ized version of teen dating in which parents are cold or even unkind to their child’s boyfriend or girlfriend (though boyfriends seem to get the brunt of this fictitious rage) ask your child questions about the person they’re “talking to.” What are their interests? What is their family life like? What do they participate in at school? If you feel comfortable, invite them along for a family outing like to church or the movies. This can take away the secrecy that teen romances often operate in and it shows your child that they’re not bad kids for dating, so long as they respect the boundaries your family has in place. 

SAFETY IN RELATIONSHIPS

It may seem uncomfortable to talk with your pre-teen or teenager about physical safety in relationships, but the reality is that one in four adolescents report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual violence each year. Just as with adults, these incidents have long-lasting negative impacts. None of us want our children to go through this. It’s scary to think about, but know that you can empower your child to have safe, healthy relationships now and in the future.

Keep open communication with your child. By setting a strong foundation of communication between you and your child, you can make sure that any time they are uncomfortable, they know they can come to you without judgment or accusation. This may be the first and best step you can take to keeping your child safe in many situations, but especially in dating.

Help your child know how to communicate in a healthy relationship. By the time our children reach dating age, they should have seen, from us, how to talk to and interact with someone, even in conflict. Modeling this for kids at an early age can help them identify and disengage from unhealthy conflict when they see it in their own relationships. 

Know the warning signs of relational abuse. Again this isn’t something as parents that we ever want to think about, but it is so important to know what to look for as your child starts to have relationships with people outside of your family unit, whether these are friends or boyfriends and girlfriends. If your teen is withdrawn from their normal activities, is abandoning other friendships, keeping secrets, or becomes defensive about their romantic relationship, it may be time to have a conversation about the relationship. 

Seek professional help if needed. If your child has experienced a negative relationship in any way, it can be incredibly helpful to reach out to a counselor to help them process what they’ve gone through and learn how to have healthier relationships in the future. 

The dating world is so different today than it was even just ten years ago. The access young people have to smartphones, the internet, and a thousand different secrecy driven apps may make you feel like you’re fighting a losing battle when it comes to your teenager’s dating life. It doesn’t have to feel this way. Truly. Start early talking with your kids about dating relationships, respect, healthy communication, and boundaries, and you will be setting them up for a successful dating life that they feel comfortable talking with you about. If you feel you or your teen need help with any of these things, check out our link below to find a counselor that can give you and your kids tools for safe, healthy dating.

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By Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Loving Someone in Crisis: A Guide for Partners, Parents, and Friends

It’s Valentine’s Day, readers! Here at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness, we LOVE celebrating love. Any time of year is the right time to tell those you love how you feel, but there’s just something extra special about Valentine’s Day. Maybe you’ve got a special date night at the romantic Bin 303 planned with your spouse or a brunch date to Standard Service with friends. Perhaps you have a tradition of making heart-shaped pancakes for your kids on Valentine’s Day or sending flowers to your mom. Whatever way you choose to celebrate today, it’s so important to show you care for those people in your life who mean the most to you. Big celebrations or small ones never go unnoticed! 

However, we also recognize that many of you may love and care for someone who is struggling today. Holidays and special occasions can be particularly difficult for those who are grieving a loss, people with anxiety and depression, or even those coming out of a difficult transition. So, how can you support those you love who are having a difficult time today? How can you be supportive, loving, and caring while also still getting to celebrate your love for the special people in your life? 

Be a good listener. The first and best way that you can support someone you love who is struggling mentally is to listen to them without judgment, without giving your input (unless they ask for it) and being willing to be present in the silence. If your spouse is struggling with anxious thoughts, try sitting with them and letting them process those thoughts out loud as this can be a huge help in not dwelling in that anxiety. Maybe your teenager has been dealing with difficult friendships at school; the support you give by listening to what they have to say can provide them with safety and security that only you can give as their parent. Keeping open communication is vital to any relationship, and it is especially important when the person you care for is working on their mental health.

Be flexible with your plans. Often those who are struggling with anxiety, grief, or depression, may suddenly not have the physical energy to get out of the house. Facing mental health battles is taxing physically as well, and though they may have agreed to go out to a fancy dinner earlier in the week, they may not be up for it when the time rolls around. Be willing to hear their needs and know that it is likely nothing you’ve done wrong that caused their change of mind. It is absolutely okay to feel disappointed if your partner changes plans last minute, but wait to express that frustration when they are not in crisis. Offer an alternative plan such as a date night at home with take out and a movie or another day for a night out that might be less stressful.

Be aware of emotional triggers. While the idea of “triggers” may seem overused by pop culture and trendy media, emotional triggers are very real events for people who have been through trauma. And while we are all responsible for our individual actions and reactions, part of loving and caring for someone is knowing what may cause them emotional distress and being cognizant of how different situations may affect them. For example, if you and your wife have experienced pregnancy loss, it may be emotionally triggering for one or both of you to hear about a couple announcing a healthy pregnancy. Talk with those you love when you know they’ve experienced a triggering event and ask how you can support them.

Offer physical support even if they don’t ask for it. One of the hardest things for someone to do when they are struggling with their mental health is to ask for help. It can feel overwhelming or even embarrassing to admit that we’re struggling and reach out to someone for help with things like doing the dishes or laundry or help with a meal. If you have a friend you know is working on their mental health, a great way to show you care for them is to simply show up. Bring a meal or coffee. Come and unload their dishwasher. Even if they say they don’t need this, by taking a physical task off their plate, you’re allowing them to have less to worry about and supporting their journey.

Find a balance between distraction and engagement. When caring for someone with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues, it may be our first instinct to help them by distracting them from their problems with fun events, activities, or outings. This can be incredibly helpful, as often it boosts happy hormones, and allows life to feel normal even in a state of crisis. However, it is equally important to not allow those we love to be so distracted by “fun” that they ignore problems they should deal with. Make sure that you’re having a good mixture of fun, light-hearted moments and times when you check in on your people emotionally and really hear how they’re doing.

Be supportive of their therapy journey. One of the biggest barriers people face in beginning therapy for anxiety, depression, or grief is that they worry about what those they love might think of them. They don’t want to be seen as weak or incapable. In reality, starting a journey to better mental health is the opposite of that. It shows self-awareness and strength to face the difficult, messy parts of life. If someone you love has started going to therapy to work on their relationship, their anxiety, or any other aspect of their life, be supportive. Tell them you’re proud of them for stepping outside their comfort zone and working to be emotionally and mentally healthier. If they’re open to talking about what they’re learning in their counseling sessions, listen to them intently and ask purposeful questions. They will appreciate that you support their journey and want to know more. If they’re not yet seeing a counselor but want to do so, you can always help them find a best fit here!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Counselor Spotlight - Dawn Nelson, LCSW-Supervisor

this week on the blog

Dawn Nelson

We would love to introduce you to Dawn Nelson, LCSW-Supervisor. Dawn was one of the first counselors to join Rockwall Counseling and Wellness, and we’re so glad she’s part of the team here!

Tell us a little about your journey to becoming a counselor. Where did you go to school? What are your degrees in? Are you originally from the Rockwall area?

I grew up in San Antonio; I’m a fifth generation Texan.  I attended the University of Texas at Austin where I earned a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and English and a Master of Science in Social Work.

What type of therapy are you most passionate about? Why?

I individualize treatment for my clients by blending therapy modalities to fit their unique needs.  Just as you wouldn’t want a doctor that only prescribes one medicine for all illnesses, therapists should use what will be most beneficial for their clients, not just one therapeutic modality.

If you could have any job besides the one you have now, what would you want to be doing?

Librarian!  I love books.

What do you feel the biggest struggle facing your clients is?

People tend to recycle the same issues whether in their own heads or in relationships.  They do the best they can, but they come to me when their efforts haven’t provided a good resolution for them.

What would you say to someone who is considering starting therapy, but doesn’t know if it’s worth the time or money?

I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation so potential clients can get an idea of how I envision working with them.  I do not require a minimum number of sessions because I believe that each client works at his/her own pace.  Some clients come weekly, others attend every other week, and a few even less often than that.

Date Your Spouse: Parent Edition

“Prioritize date night and spending quality time together.” This is one of the first things any marriage counselor will tell a couple looking to improve their relationship or even a couple that isn’t actively in therapy! Spending quality time together, away from your children if you have them, away from distractions, is one of the top things you can do to strengthen the health of your marriage. Though finding the time can be incredibly difficult with busy schedules for yourselves and your kids, scheduling this time for you and your spouse to just be the two of you, to talk about things other than the practical daily things, and to reconnect, will be an investment you won’t regret. The other obstacle that married couples wanting to get out of the house face is finding childcare. Finding babysitting can be even more difficult if you have a child with special needs or disabilities because not just anyone may be equipped to care for your child. 

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we here at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness want to provide you with valuable resources for childcare options in our area, so that if you and your spouse are planning a special night out, you can check “find babysitter” off your list. Many of the programs we have listed below run on a regular basis, are relatively low cost, and offer a fun option for your kiddos when you leave the house on date night! We have even researched and provided information for respite and childcare for families who have children with special needs! Check out the details of each one below! 

Parents’ Night Out at Jungle Trek in Rockwall

Located off Airport Road here in Rockwall, Jungle Trek is an indoor adventure course for kids ages five and up. The course includes rock walls, a zipline, obstacle courses, a tree walk. Parents’ Night Out is held on the first and third Saturdays of each month.

• Cost: $30 for first child, $25 for additional siblings when pre-registered or $35 and $30 for walk-ins

• Ages: 5+

• Food:  Pizza will be served

• Time: 6:00-9:00 p.m.

• Other important details:  This event may be canceled if a minimum registration is not met, so it might be a good option if you and some friends are planning a group get together for all your kids to attend! 

ASI Gymnastics

ASI Gymnastics in Rockwall hosts regular parents’ night out and will be putting on a special Valentine’s Day Parents’ Night Out Event on Saturday, February 11th. Kids will have activities to rotate through at the gym that are all supervised by gymnasium staff. These events are held monthly and always have different, fun theme for kids to participate in!

• Cost:  $35 for first child and $30 for each additional sibling when pre-registered; $40 for first child and $35 for additional siblings when walk-ins

• Ages:  3-13

• Food:  Pizza will be served and vending machines will be open. Kids are encouraged to bring their own beverage.

• Time:  6:00-10:30

• Other information:  Because ASI has several locations throughout the metroplex, you could even find a gym close to where you and your spouse want to have your date night and register your kids for the event in that area! 

Rockwall YMCA

J.E.R. Chilton YMCA hosts a Parents’ Night Out event once a month which is free to YMCA members. During the month of February, this event will be held on Saturday, February 18th. Activities will be planned for kids based on age!

• Cost:  Free to YMCA members, but must be pre-registered. Registration opens on February 5th.

• Ages:  2-10

• Food:  Pizza will be served for kids attending.

• Time:  5:30-9:00

• Other information:  There is limited capacity on this event, but because it is hosted monthly, you may be able to catch it another time!

Special Friends Program

The Special Friends Program is the special needs ministry at First Baptist Church of Allen. Their ministry offers a once monthly Parents’ Night Out for parents and caregivers of school age children with special needs and disabilities. This ministry is offered free-of-charge to families and provides care for siblings, as well as the disabled or special needs child. For more information on how to participate in this program, families can email the program director Lezah Maitland at lezah.maitland@fbcallen.org.

Wylie Stars

Wylie Stars is a ministry through the United Methodist Church of Wylie that offers respite for families who have adult children with special needs. This is a great resource if you or someone you know has an adult child with disabilities. They meet on the third Friday of every month, and in February, they will have a special Valentine’s Day Dance on Friday, February 17th. 

• Cost:  Free to families after application and medical release forms are completed

• Ages:  18+

• Time:  6:00-9:00 

• Other information:  Volunteers who work with Wylie Stars are background checked and trained to help those with disabilities. Families do need to apply and be accepted into the program, but do not need to be members of UMC Wylie to attend.

Special Needs Parents’ Night Out FBC Forney

First Baptist Church of Forney also offers Parents’ Night Out Events throughout the year. Their ministry also works with the Tim Tebow Foundation to host a Night to Shine event, which is a prom for students with special needs. Their website currently does not have 2023 events listed; however, you can email their director, Kacey Jackson at kjackson@fbcforney.org for more information. 

• Cost: Free to the public

• Ages: 1-17 for children with special needs and childcare for siblings ages 1-12

• Food:  A meal is served for children attending

These are just a few of the places that offer Parents’ Night Out activities. Many gymnastics centers similar to ASI also offer this type of event. Elementary schools will also sometimes host Valentine’s Day events for their students as a fundraiser for the school. Whatever avenue you take, we hope that you’re able to get out of the house and out of your routine with your spouse this Valentine’s Day! Be sure to check back into the blog in a couple of weeks to learn about love languages and how to help your partner feel appreciated. 

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

How Past Trauma Can Impact Your Marriage

Childhood experiences centered around a family dynamic, while different for each individual, shape us all. Some people had what some would call the “picture perfect” childhood where their parents stayed married and they lived in a loving, stable and supportive household. Others of us come from  a “broken home” where our parents divorced due to constant fighting, infidelity, abuse or simply just growing apart. And then we have the people who experienced all kinds of abuse whether it was physical, verbal, or sexual abuse in their childhood whether it was from a family member, friend, significant other or a stranger. For people who went through trauma in their childhood, neglecting the damage this can cause may also impact future relationships, including their marriages. 

I have counseled couples for a while now and a common observation is that when one or both spouses have experienced childhood trauma, they often think that this is not affecting them because it is in the past. However, what some don’t realize is that trauma is like an anchor that holds us down and can be heavy on us. When we don’t get counseling to process through the past trauma, then naturally our brains suppress those painful, traumatic memories. We may just go through the motions day after day while experiencing anxiety, depression, or anger. Then, when we get into relationships or enter into a marriage, that trauma is still right there. We can find ourselves triggered by certain things, and sadly, our significant others are the ones that are caught in the line of fire of our destructive behaviors. 

I can personally say from my own life/marriage that unresolved childhood trauma truly does affect your marriage. I had significant childhood trauma, and my husband had that “picture perfect” childhood I was the person who went day by day avoiding my trauma and “faking it until I made it.” When we got married and started having children, my past trauma was like a spotlight on our marriage. I would lash out at him, have anxiety attacks, push him away, and distance myself  to avoid conflict. My poor husband was so dumbfounded as to why I was acting the way I was. And, honestly, even thought I was in school at the time studying to be a counselor, I had my blinders on and did not want to see that my own trauma was affecting my marriage. The tipping point for me was after my third daughter was born. I was lashing out at everyone because I was so overwhelmed. Our oldest, who was only four at the time, crawled into my lap and said, “Mommy, why are you so mad all the time?” In that moment, it hit me hard. A huge fear of mine was being a “bad mother” after my own child hood experiences. I realized I needed to face my own trauma head on for the sake of my marriage, and the mental health of everyone in my family. My husband and I got into counseling, and I started counseling individually. it was the best thing we ever did! 

You may be wondering what you could expect in this type of counseling or about the positive impact it could have on your marriage. Trauma informed marriage counseling will allow you and your partner to discover your own triggers, respect each others’ and work through conflicts that may arise because of unhealed childhood issues. In light of this, one common question I get from couples is, “What are triggers, and how do I know when I am triggered?” I always explain to couples that everyone’s triggers are different depending on their individual experiences, traumatic or not, and then use these examples to show what triggers may look like:

1. If you have gone through sexual abuse, then certain sexual actions with your spouse, talking about certain sex topics, or even seeing sex or rape scenes on television can be triggering.

2. If your spouse uses a specific tone with you like raising their voice in a fight, it can be triggering, especially if you come from a home where your parents fought constantly and yelled at one another.

3. If you’re watching a movie and there is a violent scene, it can be triggering if you have been physically abused or you witnessed physical abuse growing up.

After a couple has identified some personal triggers that affect their marriage, I ask them to describe what typically happens when they are triggered. Many times they will respond by saying something like, “I get super anxious/worried” or, “I get angry and withdraw.” This then gives us an opportunity to discuss the four trauma responses that most people resort to when triggered. 

1. Fight: anger, irritable, signs of aggression

2. Flight: anxiety, worry, scared

3. Freeze: sadness, shames, dissociates

4. Fawn: avoids conflict, has a hard time saying no, tends to people please.

You likely won’t experience the same trauma response every time you are triggered. It can be different depending on the circumstances, and you may even cycle through two, three, or even all of these responses. When working with a couple, I try to explain the importance of identifying their triggers and knowing when they are entering into a trauma response. This allows them to never project their raw emotions onto their spouse. Additionally, it is important to remember that if both spouses have unresolved trauma, they tend to trigger one another without even realizing they are doing so. Counseling can help couples work through these issues.

If you are engaged, in a resationship where you intend to get married or are already married and have experienced any type of trauma, I strongly suggest you seek individual and couples counseling to help you and your significant other understand your personal trauma. Things like this do not go away on their own. It’s never too late to deal with your trauma and allow your relationships to begin to heal. Everyone deserves happiness you just must want it for yourself.

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Written by: Amy Comer LPC-Associate; Supervised by Perry Collins, LPC-S

Counselor Spotlight - Lauren Coats, LPC

THIS WEEK ON THE BLOG

We will be featuring our first counselor spotlight, starting with Lauren Coats, the owner of Counseling and Wellness of Heath. We hope these counselor spotlights allow you to learn a little bit more about each of the members of the staff here at Counseling and Wellness of Heath in the hopes that as you seek out a counselor to start your therapy journey with, you have an idea of who they are, their backgrounds, and what their passions in counseling are.

Tell us a little about your journey to becoming a counselor. Where did you go to school? What are your degrees in? Are you originally from the Rockwall area?

 I went to Texas A&M University for my undergraduate degree in Interdisciplinary Studies (Go Aggies!) and Texas A&M-Commerce for my Masters in Counseling. I am originally from Mesquite, TX and have lived in Rockwall for 15 years now!

What type of therapy are you most passionate about? Why?

I am most passionate about Affair Recovery because I love to see marriages restored after heartbreak. It is very rewarding work and I believe it impacts generations as their children are impacted by the change they see in their own parents' relationship. Another area I love working with is parents of teenagers and adolescents. As a former 6th grade teacher and a mother of four, I understand how difficult parenting this generation is and I love to provide parents with tools to enhance their relationships with their children.

If you could have any job besides the one you have now, what would you want to be doing?

I actually tell people all the time that I really am doing what I love the most! I knew when I was a teacher that it was in the right vein, but not my exact calling. Becoming a therapist and working with other therapists is the place where my talents and passion intersect.

What do you feel the biggest struggle facing your clients is?

I wholeheartedly believe that the biggest struggle facing my clientele is their own toxic thinking about themselves. Most of us talk more poorly and negatively to ourselves than to any other human. We can't even imagine telling our kids or a friend some of the mean statements we tell ourselves.

Who in your life do you most look up to? Why?

For the longest time I said Oprah...and while that's no longer my answer, I think it was because even as a teenager and young adult I loved how she seemed to ask her guests such incredible questions that cut to the core of the issue. She was a therapist of sorts and I really admired how she was able to get people to open up. I think my new answer is my mother. The older I've gotten the more appreciation I've gained for her sacrifices for me as a kid. She was always a good listener, she doesn't take herself too seriously, and I've truly never seen her offended. She loves life and I am so thankful she's my mom!

What is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?

Oh man, if I could go back to my teenage or young adult self I would tell her that she's perfectly fine to be a strong, capable woman. She spent a little too much time worrying that her strong personality and opinions would offend and thought it should be reserved for the boys and men. I'd tell her that being a woman is a gift and she should own her particular skills!

What would you say to someone who is considering starting therapy, but doesn’t know if it’s worth the time or money?

If someone is wondering if it's not worth the time or money, I'd assume they care a deep amount about the other people in their life, but maybe not themselves. I can't think of any investment that will impact your kids and family like your own personal therapy. If you want to be a better version of yourself you can be pretty certain that it will positively impact the other people in your life. If you don't think you're worth it, perhaps they are! And after therapy, I think you'll realize you were worth it all along as well.

Are you a dog person or a cat person? 

Cat person all the way! We have 2 cats and I've had so many cats in my lifetime.

Do pineapples belong on pizza? 

YES! Not always, but when I'm in the mood for them, absolutely!

What’s your favorite place to go out to eat in Rockwall? 

I have so many local favs: Zanata, Bin 303, Oar House, and Casa Mama to name a few!

What do you like to do in your free time? 

READ -- I love a good book!

What’s your favorite time of year? 

Summer for sure!

Tell us a little about your family.

I've been married to Casey for 15 years, we have 4 children -- 2 girls and 2 boys. Our youngest joined our family through adoption in 2019 and we had a blast touring her home country of China for 19 days!

What is your favorite place to visit? 

Italy! I've only been once in 2007, but had the opportunity to study abroad there for a month and fell in love. I can't wait to go back with my husband in the future!

If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be and why? 

I think it may be Oprah!

Are you more introverted, extroverted, or a mixture of both? 

100% EXTROVERT