Trauma-Informed Care: How Your Therapist Can Create A Safe Space

One of the many reasons people may seek counseling is to deal with past trauma. Various types of therapy can be incredibly beneficial for people seeking to learn to cope with traumatizing events, but it is critical that while seeking this therapy, you find the right caregiver. Often people will “give up” on therapy because it “isn’t working” when in reality, they simply need to find the right person to guide their journey. If therapy hasn’t worked for you in the past, you may want to consider if your therapist addressed your trauma through trauma-informed care. What is trauma-informed care? Well, let’s define some things first!

Trauma is clinically defined as an emotional response to a terrible event. Even though when we experience trauma, the response may start as emotional, it can lead to physical responses as well such as panic attacks. Trauma can be brought on by any number of events. Most commonly people think of an accident, an assault, a death of a loved one, or other sudden, horrible event. However trauma isn’t just defined by the severity of the event, but how your own body responds to it. What may be traumatizing for you, would not be for another person and vice versa. You may have gone through a traumatic hospital stay when your child was born, or a traumatic divorce that lasted months on end. It is not up to another person to define what is traumatizing to you. If you have an emotional response when you think of the event or when you experience similar circumstances, it was traumatizing for you. 

Trauma-informed care is a set of concepts that can apply to any range of care for people who have experienced severe trauma in the past. Practitioners in the medical field, mental healthcare, and even exercise and wellness can use trauma-informed care practices to make clients and patients who have been through trauma feel more comfortable, at-ease, and safe in settings where they may encounter triggering situations, conversations, or events. At the core of trauma-informed care is the principle “do no harm,” meaning that trauma-informed caregivers and providers seek to ensure their treatments, classes or sessions do not add to the trauma response people may feel. In counseling, this may look different from therapist to therapist, but generally the concepts would remain the same. Even if a counselor is not specifically advertising “trauma-informed care” it is likely that he or she is putting these concepts into practice, and if you feel unsafe, address it with your therapist. 

1. Safety. Possibly the most important concept in trauma-informed care is that of safety. Your therapist or counselor should reassure you of your physical, emotional, and mental safety throughout your time with them. Especially during times when you are asked to relive or retell parts of your trauma in order to process these emotions, a trauma-informed session will ensure you, out loud, that you are safe. 

2. Trustworthiness. Just as in any healthy relationship, there must be trust between you and your provider in order for you to feel well-cared for. This means they should be consistent, provide and respect boundaries, and “do what they say they will do.” You should never feel surprised or caught off-guard by your therapist. 

3. Choice. People seeking therapy, especially for trauma, may have spent a good deal of their lives feeling out of control. Because of this, providing patients or clients with choice of how long sessions last, or topics to cover can provide a sense of relief. If you feel your therapy sessions are not following your cues in this regard, talk with your provider about how to have more control in your time with them.

4. Collaboration. Trauma-informed care should feel like a collaborative effort between patient and provider. Rather than following a strict set of protocols with no room for deviation, the patient and provider work together to come up with a plan for addressing important concerns and issues. As a patient in trauma-informed care, you have a contributing voice. And while no practitioner will let you simply ignore major concerns or issues, they will follow your lead and guide you rather than force you into their plan of care. However, it’s important to also note that even in trauma-informed care, if your therapist notices that you’re avoiding certain issues or topics entirely and instead want to focus on areas that aren’t helpful to you, they may let you know that you may not actually be ready for therapy.

5. Empowerment. The ultimate goal of trauma-informed therapy is for you to have tools and coping skills of your own. A trauma-informed provider wants to make sure that you feel empowered to walk away from his or her office and be “discharged” from their care. While they’re always there to help you process as needed, they truly want to see you recover from trauma and support your own resilience. 

If you have sought therapy or counseling previously, and it didn’t work out for you or you felt unsure of what you experienced, it may have been because some of these aspects of trauma-informed care were not being met for you. Counselors at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness can help you process trauma or work through relationship issues in your life in a way that makes you feel safe, empowered, and heard. Their goal is always to “do no harm” and they want to see you succeed. If you’re interested in meeting with one of our qualified counselors, click the link below to start your journey toward healing today!

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By Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Complete the Cycle: Learn to Manage Anxiety and Stress

Fight, flight, or freeze . . .

You have likely heard about the instinct to fight, flee, or freeze when you are in danger. It is an  instinctive system that protects us from harm. But did you know that it is possible for your fight or flight system to get stuck? Do you ever experience a feeling of impending doom? You are just waiting for the next bad thing to happen? People tell you to relax and breathe, but your brain just won’t let you? If so, you may be experiencing Sympathetic Nervous System Dominance – in other words, your fight or flight instincts are stuck in the “on” position.

Why is this a problem?

To understand why this is an issue, start by understanding how your brain works. Your fight or flight system is a part of your normal operating system. In times of danger, it warns you to respond to a threat. If the threat seems insurmountable, the natural response is anxiety or fear.   For example, imagine you are out on the plains of Africa, and you see a lion stalking you in the distance. You will likely become anxious.  If it starts running at you, fear is an appropriate response. In this case, your brain will scream, “RUN!” and your body will likely comply.

 If the threat is extreme, and there is no hope of outrunning it, then we may also freeze.  This is the instinct that protects baby animals who can’t outrun their predators. Freezing helps them to escape notice. On the other hand, if the threat is something you instinctively feel you can overcome, the natural emotional response is anger or irritation. In this case, you are more likely to fight. So, if a chihuahua is chasing you  . . .   you get the idea.

When threatened, the brain dumps a chemical cocktail into your system to prepare and fuel your body. Adrenaline causes heart rate to increase and muscles to contract. It can also induce nausea (no time for eating grass when the lion is chasing us!). This is very useful when we need extra energy, focus, and strength to deal with the threat. However, it is not very useful for our logical processing center, which tends to shut down. When we expend physical energy (run away, fight) it uses up the chemicals that were dumped into our system.

If an animal freezes in response to the fight or flight instinct, they will often shake violently once the danger has passed. This shaking also depletes the chemical cocktail. Once the threat is eliminated (we get away from the lion or we defeat it) our brain registers safety and returns to normal operation. Our fight or flight system becomes dormant until we need it again.   

Fantastic, we have an awesome brain for thwarting lions on the plains of Africa! But seriously, when was the last time you were chased by a lion?   

We don’t experience many physical dangers in our modern society, but your brain is still perceiving and responding to threats. The threats just look different now. They come in the form of overdue bills, unreasonable bosses, fights with your loved ones, or pandemics. These are things we can’t fight or flee from no matter how much we want to. Instead, we try coping with alcohol or drugs or maybe disappearing into social media and games.

Unfortunately, these things don’t resolve the threat. It keeps lurking. As unresolved threats pile up, our fight or flight system becomes permanently engaged. We enter into a stage of hypervigilance where our nervous system is constantly bathed in adrenaline and cortisol. The result is an overworked brain that is constantly trying to respond, overthinking, generating endless scenarios. Our nerves are so overstimulated, we feel edgy and unable to relax.

What do we do about it?

Now that we understand how our system is designed to work, we need to take advantage of that natural process. When you feel anxious, fearful, angry, irritable, or resentful, see if you can identify the situation that your brain perceives as threatening. Try the following suggestions to help complete the fight or flight cycle and return to normal.

Disengage the fight or flight response:

·      If you are not physically safe, then seek safety (In this case your instincts are helpful!).

·      If you are physically safe, then remind yourself, “I am safe” (there is no lion).

·      Be accepting of your body’s instinctual response (practice some self-compassion).

·      Remind yourself that you need your logical brain right now.

Address the chemical and physical response:

·      Engage in some physical activity to dissipate the chemical response.

·      Slow your breathing (try an app that teaches mindful breathing).

·      Relax your muscles (contract the muscle for a count of 5, then release).

·      Shake out your limbs to reduce residual tension.

·      Splash some cold water on your face or neck to reduce heated feelings.

Return to mental and emotional safety:

·      Identify the threat (think about what is triggering a defensive response and why).

·      Resolve the threat if possible.

·      Accept what you can’t change and create healthy boundaries when necessary.

Resolving a threat may be as easy as having a conversation to clear the air with a loved one.   However, we find it is often more complicated than that. You may need counsel on debt management or improving relationship skills. Some more pervasive and serious threats arise from past trauma that must be processed before it can be resolved. A good counselor can help you learn to find healthy resolution to the things that are triggering your fight or flight response.   Reach out for help today.

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Written by Dixie Webster, LPC-Assocaite; Supervised by Lauren Coats, LPC-Supervisor

How Past Trauma Can Impact Your Marriage

Childhood experiences centered around a family dynamic, while different for each individual, shape us all. Some people had what some would call the “picture perfect” childhood where their parents stayed married and they lived in a loving, stable and supportive household. Others of us come from  a “broken home” where our parents divorced due to constant fighting, infidelity, abuse or simply just growing apart. And then we have the people who experienced all kinds of abuse whether it was physical, verbal, or sexual abuse in their childhood whether it was from a family member, friend, significant other or a stranger. For people who went through trauma in their childhood, neglecting the damage this can cause may also impact future relationships, including their marriages. 

I have counseled couples for a while now and a common observation is that when one or both spouses have experienced childhood trauma, they often think that this is not affecting them because it is in the past. However, what some don’t realize is that trauma is like an anchor that holds us down and can be heavy on us. When we don’t get counseling to process through the past trauma, then naturally our brains suppress those painful, traumatic memories. We may just go through the motions day after day while experiencing anxiety, depression, or anger. Then, when we get into relationships or enter into a marriage, that trauma is still right there. We can find ourselves triggered by certain things, and sadly, our significant others are the ones that are caught in the line of fire of our destructive behaviors. 

I can personally say from my own life/marriage that unresolved childhood trauma truly does affect your marriage. I had significant childhood trauma, and my husband had that “picture perfect” childhood I was the person who went day by day avoiding my trauma and “faking it until I made it.” When we got married and started having children, my past trauma was like a spotlight on our marriage. I would lash out at him, have anxiety attacks, push him away, and distance myself  to avoid conflict. My poor husband was so dumbfounded as to why I was acting the way I was. And, honestly, even thought I was in school at the time studying to be a counselor, I had my blinders on and did not want to see that my own trauma was affecting my marriage. The tipping point for me was after my third daughter was born. I was lashing out at everyone because I was so overwhelmed. Our oldest, who was only four at the time, crawled into my lap and said, “Mommy, why are you so mad all the time?” In that moment, it hit me hard. A huge fear of mine was being a “bad mother” after my own child hood experiences. I realized I needed to face my own trauma head on for the sake of my marriage, and the mental health of everyone in my family. My husband and I got into counseling, and I started counseling individually. it was the best thing we ever did! 

You may be wondering what you could expect in this type of counseling or about the positive impact it could have on your marriage. Trauma informed marriage counseling will allow you and your partner to discover your own triggers, respect each others’ and work through conflicts that may arise because of unhealed childhood issues. In light of this, one common question I get from couples is, “What are triggers, and how do I know when I am triggered?” I always explain to couples that everyone’s triggers are different depending on their individual experiences, traumatic or not, and then use these examples to show what triggers may look like:

1. If you have gone through sexual abuse, then certain sexual actions with your spouse, talking about certain sex topics, or even seeing sex or rape scenes on television can be triggering.

2. If your spouse uses a specific tone with you like raising their voice in a fight, it can be triggering, especially if you come from a home where your parents fought constantly and yelled at one another.

3. If you’re watching a movie and there is a violent scene, it can be triggering if you have been physically abused or you witnessed physical abuse growing up.

After a couple has identified some personal triggers that affect their marriage, I ask them to describe what typically happens when they are triggered. Many times they will respond by saying something like, “I get super anxious/worried” or, “I get angry and withdraw.” This then gives us an opportunity to discuss the four trauma responses that most people resort to when triggered. 

1. Fight: anger, irritable, signs of aggression

2. Flight: anxiety, worry, scared

3. Freeze: sadness, shames, dissociates

4. Fawn: avoids conflict, has a hard time saying no, tends to people please.

You likely won’t experience the same trauma response every time you are triggered. It can be different depending on the circumstances, and you may even cycle through two, three, or even all of these responses. When working with a couple, I try to explain the importance of identifying their triggers and knowing when they are entering into a trauma response. This allows them to never project their raw emotions onto their spouse. Additionally, it is important to remember that if both spouses have unresolved trauma, they tend to trigger one another without even realizing they are doing so. Counseling can help couples work through these issues.

If you are engaged, in a resationship where you intend to get married or are already married and have experienced any type of trauma, I strongly suggest you seek individual and couples counseling to help you and your significant other understand your personal trauma. Things like this do not go away on their own. It’s never too late to deal with your trauma and allow your relationships to begin to heal. Everyone deserves happiness you just must want it for yourself.

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Written by: Amy Comer LPC-Associate; Supervised by Perry Collins, LPC-S