depression

Loving Someone in Crisis: A Guide for Partners, Parents, and Friends

It’s Valentine’s Day, readers! Here at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness, we LOVE celebrating love. Any time of year is the right time to tell those you love how you feel, but there’s just something extra special about Valentine’s Day. Maybe you’ve got a special date night at the romantic Bin 303 planned with your spouse or a brunch date to Standard Service with friends. Perhaps you have a tradition of making heart-shaped pancakes for your kids on Valentine’s Day or sending flowers to your mom. Whatever way you choose to celebrate today, it’s so important to show you care for those people in your life who mean the most to you. Big celebrations or small ones never go unnoticed! 

However, we also recognize that many of you may love and care for someone who is struggling today. Holidays and special occasions can be particularly difficult for those who are grieving a loss, people with anxiety and depression, or even those coming out of a difficult transition. So, how can you support those you love who are having a difficult time today? How can you be supportive, loving, and caring while also still getting to celebrate your love for the special people in your life? 

Be a good listener. The first and best way that you can support someone you love who is struggling mentally is to listen to them without judgment, without giving your input (unless they ask for it) and being willing to be present in the silence. If your spouse is struggling with anxious thoughts, try sitting with them and letting them process those thoughts out loud as this can be a huge help in not dwelling in that anxiety. Maybe your teenager has been dealing with difficult friendships at school; the support you give by listening to what they have to say can provide them with safety and security that only you can give as their parent. Keeping open communication is vital to any relationship, and it is especially important when the person you care for is working on their mental health.

Be flexible with your plans. Often those who are struggling with anxiety, grief, or depression, may suddenly not have the physical energy to get out of the house. Facing mental health battles is taxing physically as well, and though they may have agreed to go out to a fancy dinner earlier in the week, they may not be up for it when the time rolls around. Be willing to hear their needs and know that it is likely nothing you’ve done wrong that caused their change of mind. It is absolutely okay to feel disappointed if your partner changes plans last minute, but wait to express that frustration when they are not in crisis. Offer an alternative plan such as a date night at home with take out and a movie or another day for a night out that might be less stressful.

Be aware of emotional triggers. While the idea of “triggers” may seem overused by pop culture and trendy media, emotional triggers are very real events for people who have been through trauma. And while we are all responsible for our individual actions and reactions, part of loving and caring for someone is knowing what may cause them emotional distress and being cognizant of how different situations may affect them. For example, if you and your wife have experienced pregnancy loss, it may be emotionally triggering for one or both of you to hear about a couple announcing a healthy pregnancy. Talk with those you love when you know they’ve experienced a triggering event and ask how you can support them.

Offer physical support even if they don’t ask for it. One of the hardest things for someone to do when they are struggling with their mental health is to ask for help. It can feel overwhelming or even embarrassing to admit that we’re struggling and reach out to someone for help with things like doing the dishes or laundry or help with a meal. If you have a friend you know is working on their mental health, a great way to show you care for them is to simply show up. Bring a meal or coffee. Come and unload their dishwasher. Even if they say they don’t need this, by taking a physical task off their plate, you’re allowing them to have less to worry about and supporting their journey.

Find a balance between distraction and engagement. When caring for someone with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues, it may be our first instinct to help them by distracting them from their problems with fun events, activities, or outings. This can be incredibly helpful, as often it boosts happy hormones, and allows life to feel normal even in a state of crisis. However, it is equally important to not allow those we love to be so distracted by “fun” that they ignore problems they should deal with. Make sure that you’re having a good mixture of fun, light-hearted moments and times when you check in on your people emotionally and really hear how they’re doing.

Be supportive of their therapy journey. One of the biggest barriers people face in beginning therapy for anxiety, depression, or grief is that they worry about what those they love might think of them. They don’t want to be seen as weak or incapable. In reality, starting a journey to better mental health is the opposite of that. It shows self-awareness and strength to face the difficult, messy parts of life. If someone you love has started going to therapy to work on their relationship, their anxiety, or any other aspect of their life, be supportive. Tell them you’re proud of them for stepping outside their comfort zone and working to be emotionally and mentally healthier. If they’re open to talking about what they’re learning in their counseling sessions, listen to them intently and ask purposeful questions. They will appreciate that you support their journey and want to know more. If they’re not yet seeing a counselor but want to do so, you can always help them find a best fit here!

Happy Valentine’s Day!


Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Signs of Depression in Adults

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PLEASE NOTE: this list is NOT intended to diagnose or treat you. See a licensed mental health provider or medical professional for proper diagnosis and treatment.

Most people get “the blues” sometimes that last a day or two. However, Major Depressive Disorder is a SERIOUS and often FATAL illness that occurs in approximately 6.7 percent of US adults. Medications can be helpful, but come with side effects that many people cannot tolerate. Medications will NOT cure the mistaken belief system causing the depression.

Without talk therapy to both uncover the root cause of the depression and learn ways to manage it, depression can persist despite medication. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, can help you uncover the beliefs you carry about life without even knowing it. These beliefs often contribute to depression below your level of awareness. Once uncovered, I can help you face and refute the irrational thoughts and replace them with healthy, logical thoughts.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms on a frequent or daily basis, please contact me for a full professional evaluation:

  1. sadness

  2. pessimism

  3. feeling like a failure

  4. loss of pleasure

  5. guilty feelings

  6. punishment feelings

  7. self-dislike

  8. self-criticalness

  9. suicidal thoughts or a sense of, It would be better if I  weren’t here*

  10. crying, or unable to cry anymore

  11. feeling agitated

  12. no interest

  13. hard to decide things

  14. feeling worthless

  15. no energy

  16. sleep issues

  17. irritable

  18. appetite changes, up or down

  19. can’t concentrate

  20. fatigue

  21. no sexual interest

(Adapted from the Beck Depression Inventory)

Taking that step to call me for an appointment is hard, but can be the best decision you ever make.

*IF YOU ARE FEELING SUICIDAL, CALL THE SUICIDE HOTLINE AT 1-800-273-8255 OR 911 IMMEDIATELY!