Holiday Overload: Avoiding the Rush of the Holiday Season

The month of December is, as it does every year, flying quickly past. It seems like we just put away the Thanksgiving leftovers, and now Christmas is less than two weeks away. We all want the holiday season to feel festive and light, to enjoy time with family and friends, and to make sure our children feel loved even more than usual. But the reality of this time of year is that there is SO MUCH going on. There are themed dress-up days for kids at school, end-of-year concerts, class and office parties, gifts to buy for neighbors, and teachers, and friends, and family. There are worthy causes that support the less-fortunate, meals to plan, and memories to be made. If you’re feeling rushed off your feet to the point that the holidays don’t seem so festive, you are not alone. This rushed busyness is a huge part of why people often struggle with their mental health at the start of a new year. There’s been so much going on, we often forget to focus on what is important. Whether you want to refocus right now for this holiday season, or you’re looking ahead to future holidays, there are things you can do to minimize stress and maximize the impact of the activities you choose this time of year.

Ahead of time:

Be clear in your family’s priorities for the holiday season. Talk with your partner about what is most important to your family in regards to the holidays. Do you want to make sure to get family Christmas cards out, so relatives and friends who live far away can get an update on your lives? Is it important to you to give back to your community? Do you want your family’s focus to be on faith aspects of the holidays? Is it important to spend a certain amount of time together as a nuclear family? By answering these types of questions, you can start to figure out which events and functions are most important to you as you plan around the holidays.

Make a clear plan for non-negotiable events. As invitations and dates start to roll in, you’ll likely realize that you won’t be able to be everywhere at once. Communicate clearly with your family which events will be attended by whom and what dates are most important. For example, if one child has a gymnastics Christmas party on the same night as the other kid’s band concert, plan which parent will attend which event ahead of time. It may not be perfect, but you can have an idea of what to do, rather than panicking at the last second.

Make a list of non-family members that you plan to buy gifts for and include a price point. This will allow you to be generous to those that are most important in your life while also not stressing over forgetting someone or the cost. If you plan this ahead of the holidays, hopefully you’ll have fewer little last minute surprises! *Pro-tip: We all have occasions pop up where we need to buy a gift we weren’t expecting. We’re invited to a party and need a hostess gift or a neighbor buys us something, and we don’t want to be rude. Keep a small stash that you can purchase throughout the year of “good for anyone gifts” like your favorite hand lotion or other personal care items that can be added to a small gift card for an easy present!

Think about what family traditions are most important to your family and schedule those into the holidays. Growing up, we always spend the Friday after Thanksgiving at home, eating lasagna, decorating the Christmas tree, and watching a holiday movie. Maybe you love to take your kids to Northpark to see Santa or you love attending the Rockwall tree lighting or your church’s candlelight service. Put those events on the calendar ahead of time, so they’re prioritized for everyone!

Feeling rushed now?

You can still prioritize the current holiday season and refocus today.

Be present in the quiet moments. Whenever you are with loved ones, make the conscious effort to put your phone down, and be with the people around you. It’s amazing what simply disconnecting from technology can do for your mood and attitude during a stressful season.

Remember that “No, thank you,” is a complete sentence. You don’t HAVE to say yes to every invitation. It’s perfectly fine to decline to attend a gathering if it’s only going to make you more stressed, stretched more thin, spend too much money, or take time away from what you want to prioritize. You don’t owe anyone a long explanation of why or an elaborate excuse. You can still be polite and say “Thank you so much for including us. We just won’t be able to make it.”

Take time to reflect on why the holidays are important to you. Whether you are a person of faith celebrating a religious holiday or this time of year is important to you as a time to focus on giving to others and spending time with family, refocusing on your “why” can be impactful in dealing with the extra events and planning around the holidays. Take a few minutes to make a list of what you enjoy about the holidays and why this time of year is special. It can truly help in feeling more at peace and less hurried.

At Rockwall Counseling and Wellness, we truly understand that this time of year can be especially stressful, and we want to help you feel joy and be at peace during the holidays. If you’re struggling with any mental health issues, related to the holidays or not, please connect with us. We would be honored to help you!

Practicing Gratitude to Improve Mindset

During this time of year, we often find ourselves distracted. The holiday season can be a stressful time for many. Whether is it because we’re needing to hold boundaries we’ve set with family members that we will now see at holiday gatherings, or simply because of the seemingly endless lists of things to do, places to go, and events to organize, even the cheeriest time of year can feel like we’re struggling to find peace.

Impacts of Gratitude

One way that we can refocus during this time of busyness and hurry is to work on improving our mindset in general. That may seem like a lofty aspiration or like something that is too complicated to work towards, but there is actually a very simple way to improve your mindset starting now that will carry throughout the holiday season. And, if you continue this practice, it will only continue to improve your mindset and positively impact your mental health. Practicing gratitude is one proven way to improve your mindset and make sure that your mental health is a priority.

Expressing and focusing on gratitude and thankfulness has so many benefits to our mindset and ultimately our mental health. A grateful attitude and mindset is by nature positive, and when we’re more focused on the positive things in our lives, it is harder to be negative. Researchers have shown that while gratitude cannot cure depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues, simple gratitude practices positively impact patients’ outcomes in dealing with these struggles.

Gratitude places us in the present. Rather than focusing on what we don’t have or the things we’re worried about for the future, when we are grateful, we are fully focused on the present. This means we are less likely to be burdened by the past or anxious about the future.

Gratitude can also have a significant impact on our relationships. Researchers at Harvard Medical School noted that couples who took the time to thank their partners had more positive thoughts toward the other person and felt more comfortable expressing concerns about the relationship. When we know we are valued by our partner because they express consistent gratitude and thanks, we feel more secure. We know that even if there are disagreements or issues, they appreciate us as a person, and they want what is best for our life together.

Practicing Gratitude

The Oxford English Dictionary defines gratitude as “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and return kindness,” but what does that look like in our every-day lives? There are so many creative ways that you can focus on gratitude, but these are just a few to get you started:

• Keep a gratitude journal. - Start or end every day by writing down three things for which you are thankful. They can be incredibly simple: your health, your family, your job, warm coffee, the ability to exercise, getting to see a friend, really anything that you noticed in your day that brought you joy or a sense of thankfulness. Focus on those three things for ten minutes, thinking about why they are important to you and how you can bring more of this type of thing into your life. You’ll be quickly surprised by how many things you have to be thankful for in life.

• Write a thank you note. - Think about the people in your life who have had a positive impact. Sit down and write them a note, telling them why they are important to you and how they have positively affected you. This focus on others can almost instantly shift your mindset away from problems or troubles in your life to something good and uplifting. As an added bonus, they get the benefit of knowing you appreciate them.

• Be intentional in thanking those around you. - Especially during the holidays, everyone’s stress levels are high. It can be easy to slip into transactional interactions with others - cashiers, retail workers, restaurant servers, etc. - without ever really thanking them. Try to make a point of taking an extra few seconds to make eye contact with the person you’re receiving a service from and thanking them for their time and effort. This may seem like an obvious thing to do, but we’ve all been in such a hurry that we didn’t even notice the human in front of us. Slowing down to be intentional in our thankfulness toward others has a positive impact in our own lives as well as in theirs.

• Give back to your community. - While giving may not seem like an act of gratitude, it really is. In order to give to others, we have to first recognize that we are in a situation where we have enough to give. We have enough time to volunteer. We have enough clothing that we can make a donation. We have enough money to help buy coats or gifts for children in our local schools. We have enough change to put a little in the Salvation Army collection bucket. Even if the gift to others seems small, its impact can be large, for others and yourself. If you know you have enough and are grateful for what you have, then you can give to others out of a full and joyful heart.

We at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness are grateful for you, our community. We appreciate your continued support and are thankful to be a part of your lives. We know that working with individuals, couples, and families to foster improved mental health and strong relationships is an immense responsibility, one we do not take lightly. Thank you for trusting us with your well-being!

Loving Someone in Crisis: A Guide for Partners, Parents, and Friends

It’s Valentine’s Day, readers! Here at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness, we LOVE celebrating love. Any time of year is the right time to tell those you love how you feel, but there’s just something extra special about Valentine’s Day. Maybe you’ve got a special date night at the romantic Bin 303 planned with your spouse or a brunch date to Standard Service with friends. Perhaps you have a tradition of making heart-shaped pancakes for your kids on Valentine’s Day or sending flowers to your mom. Whatever way you choose to celebrate today, it’s so important to show you care for those people in your life who mean the most to you. Big celebrations or small ones never go unnoticed! 

However, we also recognize that many of you may love and care for someone who is struggling today. Holidays and special occasions can be particularly difficult for those who are grieving a loss, people with anxiety and depression, or even those coming out of a difficult transition. So, how can you support those you love who are having a difficult time today? How can you be supportive, loving, and caring while also still getting to celebrate your love for the special people in your life? 

Be a good listener. The first and best way that you can support someone you love who is struggling mentally is to listen to them without judgment, without giving your input (unless they ask for it) and being willing to be present in the silence. If your spouse is struggling with anxious thoughts, try sitting with them and letting them process those thoughts out loud as this can be a huge help in not dwelling in that anxiety. Maybe your teenager has been dealing with difficult friendships at school; the support you give by listening to what they have to say can provide them with safety and security that only you can give as their parent. Keeping open communication is vital to any relationship, and it is especially important when the person you care for is working on their mental health.

Be flexible with your plans. Often those who are struggling with anxiety, grief, or depression, may suddenly not have the physical energy to get out of the house. Facing mental health battles is taxing physically as well, and though they may have agreed to go out to a fancy dinner earlier in the week, they may not be up for it when the time rolls around. Be willing to hear their needs and know that it is likely nothing you’ve done wrong that caused their change of mind. It is absolutely okay to feel disappointed if your partner changes plans last minute, but wait to express that frustration when they are not in crisis. Offer an alternative plan such as a date night at home with take out and a movie or another day for a night out that might be less stressful.

Be aware of emotional triggers. While the idea of “triggers” may seem overused by pop culture and trendy media, emotional triggers are very real events for people who have been through trauma. And while we are all responsible for our individual actions and reactions, part of loving and caring for someone is knowing what may cause them emotional distress and being cognizant of how different situations may affect them. For example, if you and your wife have experienced pregnancy loss, it may be emotionally triggering for one or both of you to hear about a couple announcing a healthy pregnancy. Talk with those you love when you know they’ve experienced a triggering event and ask how you can support them.

Offer physical support even if they don’t ask for it. One of the hardest things for someone to do when they are struggling with their mental health is to ask for help. It can feel overwhelming or even embarrassing to admit that we’re struggling and reach out to someone for help with things like doing the dishes or laundry or help with a meal. If you have a friend you know is working on their mental health, a great way to show you care for them is to simply show up. Bring a meal or coffee. Come and unload their dishwasher. Even if they say they don’t need this, by taking a physical task off their plate, you’re allowing them to have less to worry about and supporting their journey.

Find a balance between distraction and engagement. When caring for someone with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues, it may be our first instinct to help them by distracting them from their problems with fun events, activities, or outings. This can be incredibly helpful, as often it boosts happy hormones, and allows life to feel normal even in a state of crisis. However, it is equally important to not allow those we love to be so distracted by “fun” that they ignore problems they should deal with. Make sure that you’re having a good mixture of fun, light-hearted moments and times when you check in on your people emotionally and really hear how they’re doing.

Be supportive of their therapy journey. One of the biggest barriers people face in beginning therapy for anxiety, depression, or grief is that they worry about what those they love might think of them. They don’t want to be seen as weak or incapable. In reality, starting a journey to better mental health is the opposite of that. It shows self-awareness and strength to face the difficult, messy parts of life. If someone you love has started going to therapy to work on their relationship, their anxiety, or any other aspect of their life, be supportive. Tell them you’re proud of them for stepping outside their comfort zone and working to be emotionally and mentally healthier. If they’re open to talking about what they’re learning in their counseling sessions, listen to them intently and ask purposeful questions. They will appreciate that you support their journey and want to know more. If they’re not yet seeing a counselor but want to do so, you can always help them find a best fit here!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

Healthy Goal Setting for the New Year

We all hear tons of talk at the start of a new year about resolutions, goals, “New Year; New Me,” and a thousand other ways to “start fresh.” The New Year can bring a revived sense of purpose, a desire to set new goals or refresh old ones, or even start a new career or hobby. 

All this newness can feel so exciting, and setting and accomplishing goals has even been shown to boost overall mental health and self-worth, but for some people, it can feel daunting or even overwhelming. It can seem like just another task that must be checked off rather than an opportunity.

This mindset can be so common if you’re learning to be gracious with yourself or overcome trauma. Fear of the unknown or failure can hold you back from progress, but there are ways to take the New Year by the reins AND support your mental health goals. 

Take time to be thoughtful about your goals. They should be personal to you. It’s so easy to get swept up in a New Year and hearing others’ goals like “lose 30 pounds!” or “read 15 books!” and set similar goals for yourself, even if they’re not really what you want to accomplish in the New Year. Maybe what you really want is to develop a healthier relationship with food or to find a genre you enjoy reading. Or maybe you want to focus on gaining new skills. Whatever it is, evaluate how this goal fits you, not how you can fit into this goal.

Be as specific as you can. Goals are always more achievable when we are specific about where we’re aiming, so as you think about what you want to do in 2023, instead of “I want to be more adventurous,” think about what that means for you. Is adventure trying new foods? Or traveling independently? Because those are vastly different goals! I find that when I set vague goals, I feel directionless which makes me frustrated. Am I even getting closer to my goal? But when I have a specific, direct goal, I know what I’m trying to achieve!

Give yourself a reasonable, realistic timeframe. I know it can be tempting to say, “I’m going to lose 25 pounds in two months,” or “I will run a half-marathon this summer.” But, being realistic about your timeframe for your goals will be so much better for your mental health! Think about it. Is it really healthy or realistic to lose 25 pounds in two months? Probably not. Realistic goals are motivating, but goals with an unachievable timeline can make us want to quit.

Try to set at least one goal that will boost your mental health in some way. Often when we create goals for a new season, the things we want to accomplish can be a bit draining or demanding. However, learning a new skill, exercising, and decreasing time spent on screens and social media boost our “happy hormones” like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. Think about how you can incorporate some of these ideas into your track for the New Year!

Start small. Do you ever write something down on your to-do list that you’ve already done, just to get the satisfaction of crossing it off? Me, too! Especially if goal-setting has been a struggle for you in the past, start with small, bite-sized goals. Breaking your larger goals down into smaller ones will give you what I call “check-mark moments” where you get the dopamine rush of checking something off your list. This will help keep you motivated to move forward towards that big, final goal!

Most importantly, be gracious with yourself. You are valuable regardless of what you achieve. Failing to reach a goal does not make you a failure; it simply means you’ll try again when you’re ready. Don’t beat yourself up over goals you’ve yet to reach. And if you do get in that negative headspace, try writing down all the ways in which you’ve succeeded. Seeing it written out always helps me to take a step back and tell myself, “You’re doing a great job.”

Bonus:  Find judgment-free accountability. Having someone to check in with about goals is so helpful to keep us on track, but only if that person is supportive, compassionate, and has our best interests at heart. If you need someone who will listen, help you work through goals, and provide encouraging, realistic feedback, click here to connect with one of our counselors!

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By Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

When the Holidays Aren't So Merry

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Oftentimes we find ourselves feeling down this time of year. The time changed, it’s getting dark earlier, and you’re feeling a little more isolated than you were just a few months earlier during the summer.

You are not alone. When you think of all of the people who are grieving and/or going through their first holiday season after divorce, widowhood, or the loss of a loved one, you realize that the memories can make the holidays more painful than happy at this time of year. Add to that the additional stress the season brings in the form of activities, shopping, and school events—well, you can see the problem. It’s like adding that last too-much drop of water to an already overflowing bucket.

What to do? If you are experiencing loss this time of year, your goal is this: to make it through. This is not the time to fill your chore list with handmade gifts (or gifts at all—who’s going to blame you this year?) or high stress dinners. If ever there was a time in your life to put you (and your children, if any) first, this is it. Exercise your “say-no” muscle with a firm and assertive smile and pass on committees, obligations, and entertaining. The people who might judge you—and believe me, there are fewer than you imagine—are simply not worth a second thought.

When the memories and tears come, allow them. What we resist, grows stronger, so don’t fight the feelings that arise. Tears actually expel cortisol, a stress hormone that is damaging to the body and needs to come out in order for you to be healthy.

Ask your friends and family for what you need this year, specifically. Do you need help making decisions on the children’s Christmas list? You probably have at least one friend who would love to help you. Do you need people to just listen to your grief without advising you? Tell them that you really just need an ear, not a response, from them.

These are just a few ideas; you know best what helps you stay strong. Just remember that you WILL make it through. Rest, heal, and wait for better days.