anxiety

Complete the Cycle: Learn to Manage Anxiety and Stress

Fight, flight, or freeze . . .

You have likely heard about the instinct to fight, flee, or freeze when you are in danger. It is an  instinctive system that protects us from harm. But did you know that it is possible for your fight or flight system to get stuck? Do you ever experience a feeling of impending doom? You are just waiting for the next bad thing to happen? People tell you to relax and breathe, but your brain just won’t let you? If so, you may be experiencing Sympathetic Nervous System Dominance – in other words, your fight or flight instincts are stuck in the “on” position.

Why is this a problem?

To understand why this is an issue, start by understanding how your brain works. Your fight or flight system is a part of your normal operating system. In times of danger, it warns you to respond to a threat. If the threat seems insurmountable, the natural response is anxiety or fear.   For example, imagine you are out on the plains of Africa, and you see a lion stalking you in the distance. You will likely become anxious.  If it starts running at you, fear is an appropriate response. In this case, your brain will scream, “RUN!” and your body will likely comply.

 If the threat is extreme, and there is no hope of outrunning it, then we may also freeze.  This is the instinct that protects baby animals who can’t outrun their predators. Freezing helps them to escape notice. On the other hand, if the threat is something you instinctively feel you can overcome, the natural emotional response is anger or irritation. In this case, you are more likely to fight. So, if a chihuahua is chasing you  . . .   you get the idea.

When threatened, the brain dumps a chemical cocktail into your system to prepare and fuel your body. Adrenaline causes heart rate to increase and muscles to contract. It can also induce nausea (no time for eating grass when the lion is chasing us!). This is very useful when we need extra energy, focus, and strength to deal with the threat. However, it is not very useful for our logical processing center, which tends to shut down. When we expend physical energy (run away, fight) it uses up the chemicals that were dumped into our system.

If an animal freezes in response to the fight or flight instinct, they will often shake violently once the danger has passed. This shaking also depletes the chemical cocktail. Once the threat is eliminated (we get away from the lion or we defeat it) our brain registers safety and returns to normal operation. Our fight or flight system becomes dormant until we need it again.   

Fantastic, we have an awesome brain for thwarting lions on the plains of Africa! But seriously, when was the last time you were chased by a lion?   

We don’t experience many physical dangers in our modern society, but your brain is still perceiving and responding to threats. The threats just look different now. They come in the form of overdue bills, unreasonable bosses, fights with your loved ones, or pandemics. These are things we can’t fight or flee from no matter how much we want to. Instead, we try coping with alcohol or drugs or maybe disappearing into social media and games.

Unfortunately, these things don’t resolve the threat. It keeps lurking. As unresolved threats pile up, our fight or flight system becomes permanently engaged. We enter into a stage of hypervigilance where our nervous system is constantly bathed in adrenaline and cortisol. The result is an overworked brain that is constantly trying to respond, overthinking, generating endless scenarios. Our nerves are so overstimulated, we feel edgy and unable to relax.

 

What do we do about it?

Now that we understand how our system is designed to work, we need to take advantage of that natural process. When you feel anxious, fearful, angry, irritable, or resentful, see if you can identify the situation that your brain perceives as threatening. Try the following suggestions to help complete the fight or flight cycle and return to normal.

Disengage the fight or flight response:

·      If you are not physically safe, then seek safety (In this case your instincts are helpful!).

·      If you are physically safe, then remind yourself, “I am safe” (there is no lion).

·      Be accepting of your body’s instinctual response (practice some self-compassion).

·      Remind yourself that you need your logical brain right now.

Address the chemical and physical response:

·      Engage in some physical activity to dissipate the chemical response.

·      Slow your breathing (try an app that teaches mindful breathing).

·      Relax your muscles (contract the muscle for a count of 5, then release).

·      Shake out your limbs to reduce residual tension.

·      Splash some cold water on your face or neck to reduce heated feelings.

Return to mental and emotional safety:

·      Identify the threat (think about what is triggering a defensive response and why).

·      Resolve the threat if possible.

·      Accept what you can’t change and create healthy boundaries when necessary.

Resolving a threat may be as easy as having a conversation to clear the air with a loved one.   However, we find it is often more complicated than that. You may need counsel on debt management or improving relationship skills. Some more pervasive and serious threats arise from past trauma that must be processed before it can be resolved. A good counselor can help you learn to find healthy resolution to the things that are triggering your fight or flight response.   Reach out for help today.


Written by Dixie Webster, LPC-Assocaite; Supervised by Lauren Coats, LPC-Supervisor

Loving Someone in Crisis: A Guide for Partners, Parents, and Friends

It’s Valentine’s Day, readers! Here at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness, we LOVE celebrating love. Any time of year is the right time to tell those you love how you feel, but there’s just something extra special about Valentine’s Day. Maybe you’ve got a special date night at the romantic Bin 303 planned with your spouse or a brunch date to Standard Service with friends. Perhaps you have a tradition of making heart-shaped pancakes for your kids on Valentine’s Day or sending flowers to your mom. Whatever way you choose to celebrate today, it’s so important to show you care for those people in your life who mean the most to you. Big celebrations or small ones never go unnoticed! 

However, we also recognize that many of you may love and care for someone who is struggling today. Holidays and special occasions can be particularly difficult for those who are grieving a loss, people with anxiety and depression, or even those coming out of a difficult transition. So, how can you support those you love who are having a difficult time today? How can you be supportive, loving, and caring while also still getting to celebrate your love for the special people in your life? 

Be a good listener. The first and best way that you can support someone you love who is struggling mentally is to listen to them without judgment, without giving your input (unless they ask for it) and being willing to be present in the silence. If your spouse is struggling with anxious thoughts, try sitting with them and letting them process those thoughts out loud as this can be a huge help in not dwelling in that anxiety. Maybe your teenager has been dealing with difficult friendships at school; the support you give by listening to what they have to say can provide them with safety and security that only you can give as their parent. Keeping open communication is vital to any relationship, and it is especially important when the person you care for is working on their mental health.

Be flexible with your plans. Often those who are struggling with anxiety, grief, or depression, may suddenly not have the physical energy to get out of the house. Facing mental health battles is taxing physically as well, and though they may have agreed to go out to a fancy dinner earlier in the week, they may not be up for it when the time rolls around. Be willing to hear their needs and know that it is likely nothing you’ve done wrong that caused their change of mind. It is absolutely okay to feel disappointed if your partner changes plans last minute, but wait to express that frustration when they are not in crisis. Offer an alternative plan such as a date night at home with take out and a movie or another day for a night out that might be less stressful.

Be aware of emotional triggers. While the idea of “triggers” may seem overused by pop culture and trendy media, emotional triggers are very real events for people who have been through trauma. And while we are all responsible for our individual actions and reactions, part of loving and caring for someone is knowing what may cause them emotional distress and being cognizant of how different situations may affect them. For example, if you and your wife have experienced pregnancy loss, it may be emotionally triggering for one or both of you to hear about a couple announcing a healthy pregnancy. Talk with those you love when you know they’ve experienced a triggering event and ask how you can support them.

Offer physical support even if they don’t ask for it. One of the hardest things for someone to do when they are struggling with their mental health is to ask for help. It can feel overwhelming or even embarrassing to admit that we’re struggling and reach out to someone for help with things like doing the dishes or laundry or help with a meal. If you have a friend you know is working on their mental health, a great way to show you care for them is to simply show up. Bring a meal or coffee. Come and unload their dishwasher. Even if they say they don’t need this, by taking a physical task off their plate, you’re allowing them to have less to worry about and supporting their journey.

Find a balance between distraction and engagement. When caring for someone with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues, it may be our first instinct to help them by distracting them from their problems with fun events, activities, or outings. This can be incredibly helpful, as often it boosts happy hormones, and allows life to feel normal even in a state of crisis. However, it is equally important to not allow those we love to be so distracted by “fun” that they ignore problems they should deal with. Make sure that you’re having a good mixture of fun, light-hearted moments and times when you check in on your people emotionally and really hear how they’re doing.

Be supportive of their therapy journey. One of the biggest barriers people face in beginning therapy for anxiety, depression, or grief is that they worry about what those they love might think of them. They don’t want to be seen as weak or incapable. In reality, starting a journey to better mental health is the opposite of that. It shows self-awareness and strength to face the difficult, messy parts of life. If someone you love has started going to therapy to work on their relationship, their anxiety, or any other aspect of their life, be supportive. Tell them you’re proud of them for stepping outside their comfort zone and working to be emotionally and mentally healthier. If they’re open to talking about what they’re learning in their counseling sessions, listen to them intently and ask purposeful questions. They will appreciate that you support their journey and want to know more. If they’re not yet seeing a counselor but want to do so, you can always help them find a best fit here!

Happy Valentine’s Day!


Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

5 Main Differences Between Anxiety and Worry

It’s the understatement of the century to say that, “There’s plenty to worry about in today’s world.” You may even feel more like, “What is there to not worry about?” It’s likely that you occasionally feel some level of concern about your job, your marriage, your kids, the economy, your parents’ health, money, your to-do list, or any other number of things. But when does a normal level of concern become an issue that you should address with a therapist? How do you know if what you’re experiencing is a season of anxiety, an anxiety disorder, or simply a “normal” amount of worry?


First of all, if you feel like you need or want to talk with a therapist about things that weigh heavily on your mind, consider this your permission to do so. You do not have to have a diagnosed anxiety disorder to need or want to talk with someone who can help you learn about why certain things are worrying you and how best to cope with even occasional anxiety. A season of anxiety can be brought on by many different things:  a new baby, a career change, uncertainty in a relationship. If you’re going through one of these situations, you may be worried and feel overwhelmed by these feelings of concern. However, there are distinct differences between occasional anxiety, or anxiety brought on by a certain season of life and anxiety disorders.

Venn diagram showing the similarities and differences between anxiety and worry


  1. Anxiety as a disorder does not simply go away when circumstances change. It is normal for a new situation, like starting a new job, to cause worry or concern. However, with worry, this will go away once you learn the ropes and realize you are capable. In contrast, a person with an anxiety disorder might continue to feel anxious about the job, even when they are settled and doing well. They may continue to have feelings of incompetence or dread that don’t go away no matter how well things are going in reality.

  2. Generalized Anxiety Disorder can have impacts on your physical health while typical levels of worry do not. According to the National Institute for Mental Health, people struggling with anxiety disorders may experience muscle aches, unexplained stomach pain, difficulty sleeping, and fatigue. While these physical problems can be caused by other health problems, if you feel they’re coupled with times of anxiety, they may be more than just normal worry. 

  3. Persistent anxiety can cause you to change your behaviors. If you are struggling with anxiety, you may avoid certain situations, obsess over things that would normally not bother you, or become excessively irritable and easily angered. Anxiety impacts daily life in negative ways. These behavioral changes are a result of feeling out of control because of anxious and fearful thoughts, and they should be discussed with a counselor. 

  4. Anxious thoughts that are out of control do not “go away” simply because you know the truth. Oftentimes in conversations about their thought patterns, people struggling with anxiety will say things like, “I know that my kids are safe at school, but I can’t stop feeling like something terrible is going to happen.” Or, “I know that my wife loves me, but I feel so anxious that something will go wrong.” Even if they know reality, they often dwell on hypothetical or worst case scenario outcomes. A person struggling with anxiety may not be able to control when they slip into these thought patterns and find it difficult to focus on anything else. 

  5. It is often difficult to identify the exact reason for anxiety because it is constant rather than circumstantial. People struggling with anxiety may not be able to tell another person exactly what is making them feel anxious. Because they experience these feelings all the time, it is difficult to identify the source. This can be frustrating for the person with anxiety as well as those who care and are trying to help. 


If you struggle with feelings of anxiety that don’t go away or impact your daily life as described above, you do not have to walk through that struggle alone. This is one reason why counseling can help greatly. Therapists, like those in our Rockwall and Heath offices, are trained in talk therapy strategies, as well as other methodologies that have been proven to help people with anxiety identify the root causes of the issue and learn strategies for coping with anxious thoughts, panic attacks, and other anxiety related problems.  And, they are ready and willing to listen and help you.

It Starts With Fear

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Your heart pounds. Your thoughts race to the next worst-case scenario. You try to calm your thoughts but they continue to run loose, unfiltered and full of dread. It starts with fear and, left untreated, it can affect every area of your life.

Anxiety manifests itself in the lives of many. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, “Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population every year.”

While this is a staggering statistic, less than half of those dealing with anxiety decide to reach out for help. The ADAA explains that “Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only 36.9% of those suffering receive treatment.”

Although my anxiety went undiagnosed and untreated for much of my life, eventually, I realized that my frequent and intense stomachaches were not related to food intolerance or allergy. Instead, they were a symptom of anxiety that I have since learned to manage through therapy.

You, too, can obtain the tools you need to successfully manage your anxiety. If you find yourself experiencing frequent and overwhelming feelings of worry and fear, reach out to us for a free consultation. We would love to help you! 

Written by Lauren Smith Stevenson
Instagram: @laurensmithstevenson
Email: laurensmithstevenson@gmail.com